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Originally Posted by Gilda
What sets me apart is a painful shyness that makes social interaction emotionally very difficult for me. In my case, it's a severe form of social anxiety. ...
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Well, okay, now you've named it. That's medical terminology you're using there. Maybe a medical approach is in order.
As far as I can tell, nothing cognitive or talking-based is likely to sink in with you. Your view of yourself and your "problem" is rigid, fixed, and self-supporting. Certainly the many-page discussion here has failed to give you access to anything outside your fixed view, despite the genuine efforts of dozens of people.
To be honest--and I've worked with many people on issues this big and bigger--I suspect a biochemical source for this. There are medications and treatments for social anxiety. If you're interested in shifting this behavior, I recommend you look into that.
I say "if" because I'm still not convinced you ARE interested in shifting this behavior. Mostly you seem interested in justifying and defending it. Which is fine--one valid option here would be to proudly BE the introvert you claim to be. Your problem really isn't that you're an introvert. Your problem is that you think you shouldn't be.