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Martian · 12-02-2005, 09:26 AM

Whoa, whoa, whoa!

And you were doing so well too...

What is it I keep saying? Confidence, my friend, confidence!

Stop and ask yourself this : do you know that they like each other? What evidence have you seen that supports that? What evidence have you seen that contradicts it? Does she seem like the type who would use you to get to him?

Remember, of crucial importance right now is that you not get too involved. If she digs you, she digs you. If she doesn't, then you can at least walk away saying you gave it your best shot. If you get too wrapped up in this girl your emotions will start to get in the way and you will end up hurt if she doesn't go for you. And if you start assuming that she likes someone else or that someone else likes her you're not even giving her the chance to reject you. You're doing it for her.

Try this approach. Do you know that she likes him or that he likes her? No. You don't know that. You may suspect, but until you find them sucking each other's faces, you don't know. Is there an alternative explanation for their behaviour? Yeah, there is. You said that they're tightly knit, that they're all introverted, that none of them have really gotten to know anyone new in college and on top of all that they went to high school together and thus, have presumably been friends for a long time. It seems not only possible, but likely that they're just really good friends and that she thinks of him more as a brother than a boyfriend.

So there's that. Now ask yourself what you're accomplishing by assuming that they are (or want to be) more than just friends? Does it impact your relationship with her in a constructive way? How about him (and if you want to be with her you need to be at least cordial to her friends)? Does it accomplish anything, anything at all other than causing you pain and grief and doubt? And if it doesn't, is that pain and grief and doubt really necessary? What purpose does it serve in your life?

I'm not saying don't bear the possibility in mind. She may have made that decision and if you're prepared for it you can accept it if it comes. But there's a big difference between acknowledging the possibility of something and assuming it's the truth. Don't jump to that conclusion. There's no gain to be had in it.

12-02-2005, 09:26 AM	#49 (permalink)
Martian Young Crumudgeon Location: Canada	Whoa, whoa, whoa! And you were doing so well too... What is it I keep saying? Confidence, my friend, confidence! Stop and ask yourself this : do you know that they like each other? What evidence have you seen that supports that? What evidence have you seen that contradicts it? Does she seem like the type who would use you to get to him? Remember, of crucial importance right now is that you not get too involved. If she digs you, she digs you. If she doesn't, then you can at least walk away saying you gave it your best shot. If you get too wrapped up in this girl your emotions will start to get in the way and you will end up hurt if she doesn't go for you. And if you start assuming that she likes someone else or that someone else likes her you're not even giving her the chance to reject you. You're doing it for her. Try this approach. Do you know that she likes him or that he likes her? No. You don't know that. You may suspect, but until you find them sucking each other's faces, you don't know. Is there an alternative explanation for their behaviour? Yeah, there is. You said that they're tightly knit, that they're all introverted, that none of them have really gotten to know anyone new in college and on top of all that they went to high school together and thus, have presumably been friends for a long time. It seems not only possible, but likely that they're just really good friends and that she thinks of him more as a brother than a boyfriend. So there's that. Now ask yourself what you're accomplishing by assuming that they are (or want to be) more than just friends? Does it impact your relationship with her in a constructive way? How about him (and if you want to be with her you need to be at least cordial to her friends)? Does it accomplish anything, anything at all other than causing you pain and grief and doubt? And if it doesn't, is that pain and grief and doubt really necessary? What purpose does it serve in your life? I'm not saying don't bear the possibility in mind. She may have made that decision and if you're prepared for it you can accept it if it comes. But there's a big difference between acknowledging the possibility of something and assuming it's the truth. Don't jump to that conclusion. There's no gain to be had in it. __________________ I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said - Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame