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pan6467 · 12-02-2005, 12:08 AM

Cyn,

My condolences.

You need to do what you feel is right in your heart and what you can live with. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's the truth. You cannot nor should you spend your life thinking about what others will say. Do what is right for you.

If you feel like going will make you miserable or that you just don't want to be there, then don't. Sounds like she had issues with you and your father and if she was not loving and supportive why go?

Is your dad going? If he is perhaps he would like for you to be there with him. If he isn't going perhaps your father and you can arrange a rememberance for her with just you.

On the other hand, perhaps this can be a time when family can be brought together closer and feuds put aside.

I know when my dad's mother died, mom and dad were going through a very nasty divorce. I was living with my mother helping her, and my dad never even called me to tell me. I found out through my other grandmother.

Dad was close to his mom and had mended fences that she blamed my mother for breaking. It was actually her, my dad's mom was a true nutcase. So during the divorce my grandmother never had anything to say to me.

Even though it was not comfortable for me to go, I went. I was able to see aunts and cousins that I hadn't seen in years, and all welcomed me very warmly.

It surprised my father and we were able to mend fences dad and I. I think my being there meant more to him than he will ever let me know.

I went solely for my dad and to show him support. I am glad I did.

That's my story.

I hope this helps you in some way.

12-02-2005, 12:08 AM	#37 (permalink)
pan6467 Lennonite Priest Location: Mansfield, Ohio USA	Cyn, My condolences. You need to do what you feel is right in your heart and what you can live with. I know that sounds like a cop out, but it's the truth. You cannot nor should you spend your life thinking about what others will say. Do what is right for you. If you feel like going will make you miserable or that you just don't want to be there, then don't. Sounds like she had issues with you and your father and if she was not loving and supportive why go? Is your dad going? If he is perhaps he would like for you to be there with him. If he isn't going perhaps your father and you can arrange a rememberance for her with just you. On the other hand, perhaps this can be a time when family can be brought together closer and feuds put aside. I know when my dad's mother died, mom and dad were going through a very nasty divorce. I was living with my mother helping her, and my dad never even called me to tell me. I found out through my other grandmother. Dad was close to his mom and had mended fences that she blamed my mother for breaking. It was actually her, my dad's mom was a true nutcase. So during the divorce my grandmother never had anything to say to me. Even though it was not comfortable for me to go, I went. I was able to see aunts and cousins that I hadn't seen in years, and all welcomed me very warmly. It surprised my father and we were able to mend fences dad and I. I think my being there meant more to him than he will ever let me know. I went solely for my dad and to show him support. I am glad I did. That's my story. I hope this helps you in some way. __________________ I just love people who use the excuse "I use/do this because I LOVE the feeling/joy/happiness it brings me" and expect you to be ok with that as you watch them destroy their life blindly following. My response is, "I like to put forks in an eletrical socket, just LOVE that feeling, can't ever get enough of it, so will you let me put this copper fork in that electric socket?"