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Originally Posted by cellophanedeity
My love and I talk about marriage. But, we do it mostly 'cause we want to sleep together every night.
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Yeah, that's our motive, too.
The thing is, it wouldn't matter if we were like you guys, living in the same area (I think?)... and if we both had the same citizenship/residence status. I would probably not think about marriage for a couple more years, in that situation (I am 26, he is 25).
Our problem is that because he is not a citizen/resident, he is dependent on getting a job that will supply a work visa... and those are only available far away from my podunk college town. Also, I am in this PhD program where I will have to be overseas for a year in the very near future. This means that because of his visa situation, he cannot go with me unless we are married.
So the idea of marriage, while it is not that ideal in the very near future (even though we can't imagine being with anyone else), crops up when we (I, mostly) get anxious about just wanting to be near each other for more than a few days in a row, to be able to take care of each other on a daily basis, to not have to feel that constant ache of being hours away from each other (esp. if I am in the field, which is very stressful for me). It is not about the marriage, per se, it is about wanting to be together due to our difficult multi-national situation.
We want to wait to get all our ducks in a row before we commit to the big kahuna, and I especially want him to have the time to grow and feel comfortable with the idea. Again, that would be an ideal situation But sometimes it seems like the pain of getting there will almost not make it worth it, just because of our circumstances.
Btw: Cello, what is it about being in school that holds you back? I wondered about this last night, because I have been in school for ages... I mean, I can see undergrad maybe (I was young), but then graduate school is a different ballgame. If you or he went for an advanced degree, would you want to wait for that to end, too?