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Oi vey...
Your grandmother sounds like a milder version of my grandmother. I totally understand the gift card thing--my grandmother would always buy these big, expensive gifts and clothing for my cousins because "they were poor." Truthfully, my family wasn't very well off either, but because we owned our own home (nevermind we owed on it) I guess we didn't qualify. Every time I saw her, up until the day she left to move to Las Vegas and never spoke to us again, she had a way of showing her favoritism towards my cousins. "Oh, Chase is so smart, he's memorized all the 50 capitols." Uh, Grandma, I did that years before Chase did. "Oh, your cousin Haley is so smart, she got all straight As." Uh, Grandma, so did I. "Chase is such a great soccer player..." Nevermind my team won the championships. Anyways, you get the point. I should also note the time she went to PEI on a walking tour and bought me a porcelain Anne of Green Gables doll. She brought it all the way to my house in Oregon for Christmas one year, and then decided not to give it to me at the last minute because "I wasn't deserving."
I count myself fortunate that this lady divorced my grandpa over something incredibly trivial (and slightly crazy), and then subsequently decided to start a new life in Las Vegas at the age of 68. Haven't seen her since, won't be going to her funeral, and don't feel even the slightest guilt over it.
Don't let people poison you, and don't let other people have control over you. Feelings of guilt about something are frequently just that--letting someone else control you. You don't owe this lady anything. She treated you shabbily as a child. She's lucky you call her Grandma at all.
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If I am not better, at least I am different. --Jean-Jacques Rousseau
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