At this moment if you came up to some random hottie on the street you would have ths ame chance at landing a relationship as you would with this gril. Walk up to 30 hotties and a week later you got yourself a chick who isn't all that confused about making out with you. Now I know this is probably not an option for you but it's a good fact to keep at the back of your mind for perspective.
I agree with Martin's assesment of the situation but I totaly disagree with his solutions.
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My advice to you is just to back off and be low key about the whole affair. You need to show her that you're for real, that you really think she's the best thing to happen to you since you first discovered masturbation and that you want to be with her. Talk to her as often as possible. Ask her how her day went whenever you see her and how she's feeling and really listen to what she tells you. Show concern, ask questions and provide empathy. Communicate!
Don't try to hurry things along. You can take her on dates and such, maybe even hold her hand. I leave that up to your discretion. She'll let you know if it's okay or not. Don't let the romantic aspect slip completely into the background; you still want that I assume, so don't get in her face with it, but don't let her forget either. Take her out to dinner and movies, take her to romantic places. Don't try to kiss her just yet; that's putting her on the spot again. She already told you things are moving too fast for her, so just be patient.
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It's a bad idea. If you wan't to become her emotional tampon go ahead but I'll bet you $50 that if you take this route you will be hearing about some dirty bastard who charmed her, slept with her, left her high and dry, and then you'll hear about how she wan't him back...dont become her pet.
Don't spend a cent on her. No dates. Don't even buy her coffee. The two of you are not an item. You can't buy someone's heart. Dates, holding hands, and all those other symbols of a realationship only apply when you ARE in a relationship.
Don't go out of your way to please her. Take her of the pedestal. It's self defeating. This means learning to say: no. If you grovel before someone they will never respect you and how can they be attracted to someone they don't respect?
Get your head out of the sand and look around for other women. This will keeps your head clear of tunnel vision and make her realize that your are someone that can be lost. Thus giving you value.
I think your problem here is that there is no spark, no chemestry, in this relationship. Unless you get the fire burning you will never get anywhere with her. You've established that you are a good and kind person. You guys clearly get allong, there is not need to re-enforce that any further.
Here is the basic theory.
- A "date" or "dating" are social labels for behaviour. The label itself does very little in enhancing comfort and chemestry that are necissary for a healthy relationship.
- It is therefore important to focus on building chemestry and worrying about your relationship labels later.
- Sometimes people make the mistake of trying to obtain labels intead of working on building attraction and comfort. As a result they misslead themselves into believing that they are at a certain realationship state, when in fact they are nowhere. Say a couple goes out to dinner, movies, hangs out and holds hands; even goes on a trip together. All these actions should label them as a couple who are sexually active. Yet there could be be zero chemestry in such a relationship and any attempts to move forward sexualy will be shot down.
- So the moral of the story is that you can't wine, dine or buy someone's heart. Dates and gifts are a great way to re-enforce what you already have but they won't create chemestry.
Looking at your last outing. You wen't on a date. You probably paid for her meal. You put your arm around her. You tried to have a "talk" with her. I am sure you see the pattern by now.
So what should you do? Well like I said, you need comfort (rapport, trust or whatever you wisht to call it) and you need chemestry (sexual attraction). That's how relationships start. From here you can work into intimacy, passion and loyalty or whatever you relationship framework is but all relationships start at a very basic level. If you don't have chemestry then you can never have a real relationship. Why do girls go on dates even though they don't feel that way about you? Well, free food, attention, hope that you might pull of a miracle.
This girl is already comfortable around you. So work on chemestry. This is simply flirting. Get sex into the equation. If she isn't responcive, don't keep knocking your head against a wall, move on. So I would advise you to keep this girl as a side project because investing all your energy into her has heartbreak and wasted college years writen all over it.
Now you know why I was hesitant to respond.
Cheers.