|
Right, daily would be a bit much. When I said as often as possible, I assumed you were both suffering from hectic college schedules, which granted was unwarranted. I'd say aim for 3-4 times per week, although that's just a general figure. If you get the sense that she's not comfortable with it, then back off a bit.
As to what she meant when she said she wanted to take things slow.. well, that was another way of her saying she doesn't know what she wants. You do want to give her breathing room, but take things slow on the romantic front. If you're not visible, she's not thinking about you and that doesn't get you anywhere. If you want to know where you stand, or even if you want her to know where you stand, you have to keep yourself in her head and the only sure way to do that is through communication. Just don't get too pushy. I'll be honest, you're walking a fine line here. You back off too much, she'll just put the romantic aspect out of her head. It's not comfortable for to think about it right now and given the opportunity, she won't. Which is fine, except that means you become a friend and that's not the goal here. You can't let her forget that you want to have more with her, but you can't make her feel pressured - do that and she'll bolt. That's what I mean when I say be low-key; be romantic, but don't try to pressure her. Make it about her and let her take her time with this.
I'll be brutally honest here - you fucked up large and I don't even know if it's fixable. That all depends on her. See, you've betrayed her trust; you made her very uncomfortable and she's probably hurt right now. She may not even realize it, but I would bet dollars to pesos that she is. You're best chance is to give her some air (not precisely the same thing as giving her space; I'll get to that momentarily) and let things develop.
I do like the study date, but try it this way; invite her to meet at the library to study together. Agree on a time and place and meet her there. Make sure you're about five minutes late - you want her to get there first. And when you do show up, bring two things with you : a coffee for her (or a tea or hot chocolate or whatever she likes) and some flowers. Whatever you can afford is fine, it doesn't have to be three dozen roses. This is one of those situations where it really is the thought that counts. Try for red roses if you can get them, or even just a single one. They're cheesy, but remember that she has almost no experience in this area and you want to send a clear signal. When you get there, find her and give her the rose first. Let her thank you, then give her the coffee. Don't mention anything else. Don't try to make another date. Just do that and then do your studying together.
The coffee is consideration - you're showing her that you pay attention to what she likes and are kind enough to take that into acount (make sure you bring one for yourself too, by the way, so it's not quite so aggresive). The rose keeps romance on her mind. You're not pushing her, but you're not letting her forget either. That's the sort of presence you're shooting for. At the end of the night, don't try to kiss her or make any moves. You can walk her home if it's late, but just to her front door; don't go in unless she invites you and don't try for any sort of physical intimacy. She might hug you, she might not. Hopefully she will, but if she doesn't just say goodnight and leave it at that.
Now a quick aside, because I said I'd get back to it. What I mean when I say you want to give her air is that you want to give her the freedom to make up her mind without going away. Giving her space is going away; it's letting her put that out of her head. Giving her air on the other hand is saying 'I'm here and I'll be here no matter what you decide or how long you take.' It's being there for her without being aggressive. It's showing her you care without asking for more - indeed, without asking for anything.
Again, good luck. All the best and I really, truly hope this works out for you. But try not to build your hopes up too much, eh? She turns you down, well, there's plenty of other girls out there and this experience will help you in learning how to deal with them in the future. If you fixate, I guarantee she won't want anything to do with you; even if you don't breathe a word to her, she'll know.
__________________
I wake up in the morning more tired than before I slept
I get through cryin' and I'm sadder than before I wept
I get through thinkin' now, and the thoughts have left my head
I get through speakin' and I can't remember, not a word that I said
- Ben Harper, Show Me A Little Shame
|