If I understand you right you see a dilemma where there is none. You have only to learn not to be miserable. If something is inevitable then you have freedom to do what you want anyway. There is no choice to learn, only the speed and ease in which you will.
One koan goes "if you speak, I will hit you; if you don't speak I will hit you." Perhaps you can see that there is no answer to this dilemma, no way out. But that means it is not a dilemma at all! There is no either-or. You will get hit. It is inevitable. And so it is nothing at all. You are totally free to do whatever it is you would do if you had never been confronted by the koan at all. The trick, of course, is to show that freedom.
I Hope that's not too far out for you. I don't want anything from you, only to help.
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