Gilda

To put things in focus, here's my original statement and your response:

I assume by this that you were thinking that it was only that they were straight, or even primarily that they were straight that bothered me. You did pick that out from among the other factors I listed. Was I wrong in reading it that way? If that's what you are thinking, I must not have been entirely clear.

I thought I had been clear in the original post that it was a combination of stress from all of the events in the party leading up to that part, AND that they were flirting, which all by itself is way off script and thus uncomfortable AND that they knew I'm gay, AND that they knew I'm married.

You picked out the fact that they were straight as the one most important factor. I can understand how you might have gotten that impression, so I clarified in my response that it was the combination of factors, and not any one factor. It wasn't just that the straight guys were flirting with me, it was a combination of that, that I was stressed from the events in the party leading up to that, that flirting is so far off script that it belongs in different scenario altogether, and that I'm married, thus flirting with me is implicitly questioning my loyalty to my wife.

I'd also like to clarify that I'd have had a similar reaction if one of the women had started flirting with me after I made it clear I wasn't interested.

The moment I said,"I'm married to the tall Japanese woman over there," any attempts to flirt with me should have ceased. There are a thousand other conversation topics that would be more appropriate at that point.

I guess we'll just have to agree to disagree. Hitting on someone who's married, especially with that person's spouse in the room, and in some cases, your own spouse in, just seems to be in poor taste to me.

What's more, it would be extremely inappropriate for me to flirt with them when I had no intent to follow up on that. I'm not going to be a cock tease. I do not want to get a bad reputation.

I don't understand Skogafoss's comment here.

Had it been "harmless banter and discussion" I'd have been fine. I've tried to make it clear that it was more than that.

Good for you. If that sounds sarcastic, please understand that it isn't intended that way. I'm glad you're relaxed around all sorts of people. I actually envy you in that, as I'm well aware that I am stiff and boring around most other people.

Also, let me point out that the fact that these were straight guys was only a small part of the problem; the main part of the problem was that they were hitting on me knowing that I'm married.

I don't know. That's what I'm trying to learn here. Isn't the point of most social interaction to exchange information?

I sincerely don't expect anyone to behave in their lives as I do in mine. I recognize that my way of dealing with things is often counter-productive in social situations. Have I said something that would imply otherwise?

And I don't think wondering what her motive is is the same thing as assuming she has an ulterior motive. The suggestion has been made that her motive was to be friendly and helpful, and I've said I accept that a couple of times.

I'm glad that you're able to interact with others in a way that fulfills you. If that sounds sarcastic, please understand it isn't meant that way. It's more like envy.

Gilda

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