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Call me an intellectual rebel, but I will patently refuse to do something that someone tells me to do "because I said so," even going so far as to be violently angry and destroy anything that they or I had created up to that point.
"Because I said so" is a cop-out, and those who use it know that it is. Even those of you who say it realize that you've only said it because you've run out of ways to explain it, or you're simply sick-and-tired of having to explain things over and over again.
Personally, I thrive on this discourse. I will certainly deign that any parents here have FAR more experience than I, and I cannot dismiss their input. However, I absolutely love explaining something to someone until they get it. Assuming they'll listen, I'll explain things 170 ways using props and dictionaries until they understand why something is, how something needs to be done, or why I want something done. To me, being unable to convince someone something needs to be done to the point where I must say "because I said so" is a failure on my part to be an effective communicator. I realize that it's selfish, but I really really wish more people held this view in life. There would be far less miscommunication, far less anger, and far less need for authority if we could all become better communicators.
A case in point. Flash back to when I'm 16. My dad needs the dishes done. I don't think they need to be done, becuase the sink isn't even full yet. "Son.. get the dishes done." "But why, dad? They're not even filling the sink.." "BECAUSE I SAID SO!!!"
My minds eye just choked him to death and broke all of the dishes all over the floor, but--back in the real world-- I'm simply seething with anger and unable to speak. An anger that could have easily been avoided if he'd simply told me that he really likes to have a clean house, think it reflects poorly on him, has guests coming over and wants a cleaner house, thinks its smells, thinks it looks bad, wants it out of the way so he can use the sink, etc.. etc.. etc.
If he'd just explained those reasons to me, even at the ripe old age of 16.. I would have understood. At 16 I'm CERTAINLY capable of understanding why appearances matter, or why he wants them clean so that he can use the sink for other things.
As an adult now, I still react angrily if another adult tries to use BISS on me. Its the assumption that I won't understand whats really wrong, or the fear that I won't accept their reason that drives me nuts. Just FUCKING TELL ME ALREADY!!!
^^ The above all assumes discourse with adults or young adults, so I cannot speak for small children. I can, however, accept that children are unable to understand why they should care about your feelings or your needs as their adult parent; but as soon as I see the gleam in the childs' eye that shows me that they actually CARE about me, then I'll be certain to step away from the BISS reason, and actually explain why its important to me. I think the problem is that some parents never step away, and assume that their children couldn't understand the emotional or rational reason for them needing something to be done.
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"I'm typing on a computer of science, which is being sent by science wires to a little science server where you can access it. I'm not typing on a computer of philosophy or religion or whatever other thing you think can be used to understand the universe because they're a poor substitute in the role of understanding the universe which exists independent from ourselves." - Willravel
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