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Originally Posted by Mantus
Not from my exprerience. I think it shows genuine intrest in who she really is. Which you should have by the way, don't fake it. People are so used to fluff talk about nothing that big questions tend to make them perk up and think "hey this guy is really intrested in me". Try to stay possitive, you can find out her fears and dark secrets when your relationship is solid enough to handle them.
Don't overwhelm her with 20 questions either, just pay attention, people give openings for a deep conversation all the time.
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Yeah, that sounds like a good, solid rationale. Good point about the 20 questions, then it DOES make it seem like you're trying waaaay too hard.
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Originally Posted by Mantus
confident / funny.
There is debate over the meaning of confidence though. To me it's being comfortable in your own skin. Some people come off as assholes because they act like: "Look! I am better then everyone else". If you really have confidence you would not need to measure yourself up against other people. I hope that makes some sort of sense.
The problem with being a nice guy is that you are walking a thin line. Women generally don't like men who are pushovers or who will put themselves at a lower level then them. What most girls seem to really want is respect and a little bit of gallantry. The other problem with being a nice guy is that it's hard to be sexual. When you do make a move you run the risk of looking insincere - as if you are putting on a nice guy act to get in her pants. I hope you get what I mean.
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I see your point. It is indeed a hard balance to make, but I am getting better at it. Wobbling between teh extremes was an experience that is helping me move towards the center.
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Originally Posted by Mantus
Next.
I think you gota start making headway with getting closer to her. So far the signs point to the fact that she is comfortable with you but is she attracted to you? Take every oportunity you can to touch her, but don't just reach with your limbs, use your whole body. When you take her hand step closer. Instead of leaning in to wisper / hear better move your whole body towards her. When you make contact, make sure that it's sexualy charged. Hold her hand a little longer then usual. Touch her shoulder and look into her eyes. There are many oportunities for touch. For example next time you open a door for her put your hand on the small of her back and usher her in.
That's too bad, try to create those moments. The only way to do that is to put a sexual vibe into your encounter. Don't be appologetic about it. You know what you want and she knows it as well. There is no need to try to trick her or yourself into it. You want her as your girl, you want her as a lover.
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Thanks for this great advice in general. For me, I have an update which I will write after this, below.
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Originally Posted by Mantus
You are on a date ONLY after you've made out with her. Before that you are still trying to figure out where you stand. Now this is my opinion and you don't have to agree with me but why would you give something to someone? You give because you either (a) wan't something in return or (b) reward. If you go with (a), arn't you pretty much trying to buy her out? To me, that seems low and dishonest. You can justify it by saying that it's an attempt to be nice, but I think thats pretty weak as well, there are better ways to show you are a nice guy.
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I see your perspective, and I agree. However, some girls are *raised* with the culture that the guy pays, ALWAYS, no matter what on dates. And, that doesn't make the girl a spoiled brat, its just their personal preference.
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Originally Posted by Mantus
A kiss (not a peck). Make it on your next date. I think she has already decided if she wants you or not, my advice is to find out now. Don't ask, reach out and kiss her.
Best of luck to you.
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Mantus, thanks for the great advice. Here is my overall update:
So tonight, after a casual dinner (ie at the school cafetaria), I actually asked if she wanted to watch a movie, whether it be in theatres or in her room (on the computer). I made a point of being quick: I said "yes or no" and she said "yes".
So, I'm in her room and we hung out a bit listening to music then watched a movie. She had arranged her bed and then invited me on the bed with her to sit and watch. I made a move during this movie to put my arm around her (with a lame pick-up line), and she kind of shyed away. So we watched another movie (first one was bad, this one is romantic), and 2/3 through this movie I put my arm around her again, and this time she agreed.
So basically after that it seemed to be very clear, because she leaned on my body and we held hands.
Ok, here's where I think I majorly fucked up. I asked her to walk me to the building entrance with the intention of kissing her there (b/c her roommate was there and I didn't want to do it in the room). So as we hit the entrance there's like 3 guys standing outside. I felt awkward and didn't have the guts to kiss her myself. So I *asked* for a hug, and instead discussed plans for a next date... I think she might have been waiting for the kiss. She had broken out gum in the 2nd movie... Is not kissing and instead hugging a MAJOR mistake?
Thanks guys!