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Originally Posted by maleficent
How many times have you gone out with her? and what are you defining a relationship as. Relationships happen over time.. you can't just say I want a relationship with you -- and expect it to magically happen.
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Umm, we've hung out in group events one or two times, as part of this club we're both in. We've gone out once formally when I invited her to a show on campus, a few times just informally grabbing dinner after class (I hope these count too!).
Yesterday night I just randomly asked her to go grab a [non-alcohlic] drink, and she agreed and we had a good fun talk for an hour or so then I cut it short
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Originally Posted by maleficent
It's a pretty big generalization of your friend to say that freshmen are unstable, more than likely, for most it's their first time living away from home and some handle it better than others. I'm almost 41 years old, and men still confuse me, and on any given day, I'm not sure I know what I want in a guy... it's not something that all women are born knowing because it can change regularly.
Go with what you feel - ask her out - spend time with her - and form your own opinions..
Do what you want to do...
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Thanks! I will try to keep hanging out, trying my hardest (cuz my friend says if I don't, this one might slip away too)...
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Originally Posted by Mantus
Why in holly hell are you asking her abot BFs and relationships for? Avoid these subjects like the plague or run the risk of becomming her therapist or worse being associated with all the bad things that happened before. Remember, any past relationship/BF is one that went wrong.
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Oh. Good thing she didn't have any past things to talk about then, lol. I had assumed asking about the past was the de-facto way of hinting: 'I am interested enough in you to consider a relationship with you'.
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Originally Posted by Mantus
If you want her values ask about them directly.
What is romance, what is a perfect evening, what's the best thing a guy can do for her, etc.
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Great points! However, does this make it look like I'm trying too hard, or could I be coming on too thick asking such things so directly?
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Originally Posted by Mantus
Perhaps she is actually not sure. In that case she would be looking for someone to open things up for her (pun intended), to charm her. If you think the first guy who'll get in her pants is going to be perfect think again. It's probably gona be some big asshole who will get her into bed within a few days and never call her again. Thats what happens to virgin college girls.
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I don't mean to sound fake, and I'm not really, but I've read online that the best approach is "cocky+funny", and this is what I tried at first. My friend told me I came across as a total asshole and girls shouldn't be treated this way, so I did a 180 degree turn around on my "approach" and became a total nice guy. This has worked so far only because she has just as much interest, I think..
And I certainly hope its not some asshole that gets in for a few days then gets out. If that is really the case for college, that's quite sad (I wouldn't know too much about this area, hehe).
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Originally Posted by Mantus
Now about your relationship with her so far.
She touches you, but does she move her body closer? Do you touch her? How does she respond when you close the distance? Have you had any - we should kiss right now - moments?
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Yes, when we sat watching the show on campus, she had her body leaning towards me so our shoulders touched slightly inbetween.
When we walked I would try to walk a little closer (too scared to put my arms around her, I think that's overkill), and we might bump a little and she wouldn't mind, cause we'll bump a few more times walking down the road
So I guess she responds well, hopefully this is an ok indicator.
After watching the show, we went to grab a non-alcoholic drink and talked for 1.5 hours. After walking her home, I forgot to at least hug her, which I considered only afterwards when I got home. Doh! I think at least a hug would have been opportune...
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Originally Posted by Mantus
You are looking for intimacy here. If you havent had any intimate moments yet. Are you paying for these outings? If you are, I think you are "just a friend".
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Hmm, being a total noobie, I assume an 'intimate' moment would be something like both staring into each other's eyes and feeling like kissing, or something like that. Well, I don't think I've come across one yet, but I think wouldn't preclude it if I tried...
Wait, if I *PAY* for these its NOT a date? I'm just a 'friend'?? I thought its the other way around: you pay for your date, and don't pay for your friend.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
She's interested, she's just nervous. She's never had a relationship before and she doesn't know how these things work. She probably secretly suspects there's something wrong with her, that she hasn't had a relationship before now.
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I hope your analysis is correct
Umm, except for that part about her thinking something is wrong with herself, cuz thats just insecure (but I've been there I guess, I was a freshman too!).
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Originally Posted by Mantus
The best way to find out, is to make a bloody move.
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Originally Posted by ratbastid
Make a move. Worst that happens, she doesn't reciprocate. If you're pretty sure she's into you, then all that's left is overcoming her anxiety.
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Hmm ok. I'll do it sometime but only after a few more dates because I don't want to scare her away...
And what does making a move comprise? Like, putting my arms around her, or going in for a kiss? Or do you mean like, actually asking her 'hey lets start dating'???
Thanks for the help guys!