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Originally Posted by Gilda
It's just . . . I'm here in this place where I know that my being closed off from other people tends to keep me isolated at work and when in public and I don't want to be like this, I don't want to be so closed off from the world, and I don't see any way to get from point A to point B, I don't see any path from where I am to where I want to be, so it's just easier to defend the status quo than to try to fix something that so badly broken.
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I think this paragraph is one of the most important in all of your posts on this thread. You are letting down your defensive verbal tactic just enough to let us know that you KNOW something's wrong, and that you WANT to change it. You just don't know how. And that's perfectly honest, sincere, and human.. I think most of us can identify with that.
Gilda, I admit that I had a hard time knowing what to say when you spent so much energy typing up these involved defenses of your status quo, when it was obvious how badly you wanted to change it.. but since I am also someone who suffers from "paralysis by analysis," I understand that you are puzzling it all out as you go. And that's okay.
Just keep remembering that you DON'T want to be like this. Every time you feel like being defensive, remember that you said you wanted to get to Point B... and defending your status quo will only keep you at Point A. I think you are amazing for starting to tackle these fears... I have some pretty severe phobias myself at times, and it's all I can do to force myself to keep my life "normal" when they are on the rampage. Sometimes I really can't manage it at all.
As for the Chatty Kathy who stopped by your office... it's interesting that you immediately start to wonder about her motives. Motives? Do you think she might be out to hurt you? It 's important to know what's behind your reaction of suspicion. Has she given you any reason to be suspicious? Tell us about that if you can.
In my opinion, she's being friendly.
I guess I fall on the side of Jess in this sense.. yes, I don't like having random people talk to me when I am in my introverted place, but sometimes I see other people who seem shy, and I want to reach out to them, get to know them, even... BEFRIEND them.
I have a pretty good feeling that's what this lady is "up to." And yes, she will be your knight in shining armor at the dinner party (which I am so glad you are going to, even though it is terrifying to you now)... she will be the social lubricant that you need to get through the night.
Let us know how it goes, eh? All my best to you.