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Rodney · 11-22-2005, 07:17 AM

A number of years ago my sister took over Thanksgiving from my mother for our family. Mom is old, and sis loves -- LOVES -- to entertain. She has a big house, and uses Thanksgiving as an excuse to throw a huge party and invite all her friends. Well, the thing is of course -- it's not a family thanksgiving at all. We're just part of the crowd, or at best serving staff. And it's 120 miles away across the world's worst holiday traffic (from one end of the SF Bay Area to the other), so realistically we have to stay overnight to avoid making the holiday an all-day ordeal. BUT she's already given away her guest rooms most of the time to people who are coming from far away, so we have to stay in a motel. And nobody ever wants to come down _here_ for the holiday. Of course we have a small house and dinner wouldn't be much, but it would be "family." But my sister stopped cooperating a number of years ago, because she'd rather have a big party and have it on her terms. We are always "welcome to come": but not central to things. You get the distinction.

So why do I even care? Mom. Sis holds the Mom card. Mom always goes there, and she wants _me_ to go, too, because "I just want the family to be together at the holidays. That's _all_ I really want." Never mind that my sister and I have never been close. Mom hopes that if we play at being a happy family together, it'll actually happen. Mom never comes here because "it's too far." She _is_ old. But my house is exactly 20 miles further from her (in a different direction) than my sister's. Tell her that and she'll say, "Well, I know that road a lot better." Of course, sis always has a room for Mom, just not for us.

So, we're staying home this Thanksgiving. The wife and I went up to see Mom last week by ourselves as a holiday call. But Thanksgiving is always on my sister's terms (with Mom's collusion), and is structured for maximum convenience for my sister and maximum inconvenience for me and my wife. And it's not going to change. So much for family.

Hey, thanks, Mal. I didn't really know I had a rant in me on this subject.

11-22-2005, 07:17 AM	#10 (permalink)
Rodney Observant Ruminant Location: Rich Wannabe Hippie Town	A number of years ago my sister took over Thanksgiving from my mother for our family. Mom is old, and sis loves -- LOVES -- to entertain. She has a big house, and uses Thanksgiving as an excuse to throw a huge party and invite all her friends. Well, the thing is of course -- it's not a family thanksgiving at all. We're just part of the crowd, or at best serving staff. And it's 120 miles away across the world's worst holiday traffic (from one end of the SF Bay Area to the other), so realistically we have to stay overnight to avoid making the holiday an all-day ordeal. BUT she's already given away her guest rooms most of the time to people who are coming from far away, so we have to stay in a motel. And nobody ever wants to come down _here_ for the holiday. Of course we have a small house and dinner wouldn't be much, but it would be "family." But my sister stopped cooperating a number of years ago, because she'd rather have a big party and have it on her terms. We are always "welcome to come": but not central to things. You get the distinction. So why do I even care? Mom. Sis holds the Mom card. Mom always goes there, and she wants _me_ to go, too, because "I just want the family to be together at the holidays. That's _all_ I really want." Never mind that my sister and I have never been close. Mom hopes that if we play at being a happy family together, it'll actually happen. Mom never comes here because "it's too far." She _is_ old. But my house is exactly 20 miles further from her (in a different direction) than my sister's. Tell her that and she'll say, "Well, I know that road a lot better." Of course, sis always has a room for Mom, just not for us. So, we're staying home this Thanksgiving. The wife and I went up to see Mom last week by ourselves as a holiday call. But Thanksgiving is always on my sister's terms (with Mom's collusion), and is structured for maximum convenience for my sister and maximum inconvenience for me and my wife. And it's not going to change. So much for family. Hey, thanks, Mal. I didn't really know I had a rant in me on this subject. Last edited by Rodney; 11-22-2005 at 07:23 AM..