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Cynthetiq · 11-20-2005, 03:21 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Gilda

Sure it does. I respect your opinions, even when I disagree with them. This place would have little value to me if I didn't care about what the people here said and thought.

I know that. It isn't the mistakes that bother me, it's the potential negative consequences that go with them. I can't alienate someone if I never say anything offensive to them, and I can't say anything offensive if I avoid saying anything with potential to offend. For example, in the conversation with the woman in the hallway yesterday, I could have commented on how charming I found her accent coming from an Asian woman, but there are three or four ways for her to find offense in such a statement, so I kee it to myself. Sure, she might have just accepted it at face value, but I have no way of knowing what the outcome would be (Fortune Telling), so it's best to err on the side of caution and not say anything.

So, wait, you mean that it's ok to make mistakes? Sure, I get that. But it doesn't hurt to minimize the number of mistakes we make.

There's something I don't think you understand. I don't have any friends in real life. Grace and Sissy and Boris are my family. I had those guys in my comic club, but they weren't friends, just some guys I shared an interest with, and who respected me because I know a lot about comics, I'm really good at leading a discussion of literature (it is what I do for a living) and I have a truly awesome collection of comic books and cartoons. They weren't friends, but even that small connection is gone.

Of course Grace and Sissy will still love and respect me. I get that unconditionally from Grace because I'm her lover, and from Sissy because I'm the closest thing to a decent parent she's ever had.

That type of unconditional acceptance doesn't exist when I'm interacting with strangers, when I'm in a store or restaurant, or talking to a colleague I just met in the corridor, so I have to be very careful with what I say and do. They're going to react to me based solely on my actions and their perceptions of me, so I have to be careful to project just the right image and be much more careful what I say. I've gone back and changed the wording in this post and deleted a paragraph already because I want to be as clear as possible, and not be tempted to come back here tomorrow and erase this

Thank you. I appreciate the advice. I don't think it's possible for any interaction to have only an upside, though. TANSTAAFL.

Gilda

I this entry you state how it's acceptable to make mistakes, but at the same time that you don't want to make mistakes because of the negative consequences that come with them.

But that's all about making the mistake.

It's okay to have the negative consequences that come with the mistake. You aren't accepting of that portion of the mistake experience.

I cannot say these things much better than someone else has already done.

If you've been reading my journal you've probably already read these, but these apply to you from my personal growth bible: If Life is a Game These Are the Rules. Of the 10 "rules" these 5 apply.

Quote:

Rule One - You will receive a body. Whether you love it or hate it, it's yours for life, so accept it. What counts is what's inside.

Rule Two - You will be presented with lessons. Life is a constant learning experience, which every day provides opportunities for you to learn more. These lessons specific to you, and learning them 'is the key to discovering and fulfilling the meaning and relevance of your own life'.

Rule Three - There are no mistakes, only lessons. Your development towards wisdom is a process of experimentation, trial and error, so it's inevitable things will not always go to plan or turn out how you'd want. Compassion is the remedy for harsh judgement - of ourselves and others. Forgiveness is not only divine - it's also 'the act of erasing an emotional debt'. Behaving ethically, with integrity, and with humour - especially the ability to laugh at yourself and your own mishaps - are central to the perspective that 'mistakes' are simply lessons we must learn.

Rule Four - The lesson is repeated until learned. Lessons repeat until learned. What manifest as problems and challenges, irritations and frustrations are more lessons - they will repeat until you see them as such and learn from them. Your own awareness and your ability to change are requisites of executing this rule. Also fundamental is the acceptance that you are not a victim of fate or circumstance - 'causality' must be acknowledged; that is to say: things happen to you because of how you are and what you do. To blame anyone or anything else for your misfortunes is an escape and a denial; you yourself are responsible for you, and what happens to you. Patience is required - change doesn't happen overnight, so give change time to happen.

Rule Five - Learning does not end. While you are alive there are always lessons to be learned. Surrender to the 'rhythm of life', don't struggle against it. Commit to the process of constant learning and change - be humble enough to always acknowledge your own weaknesses, and be flexible enough to adapt from what you may be accustomed to, because rigidity will deny you the freedom of new possibilities.