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Originally Posted by Cimarron29414
2) This concept of automatic thoughts is really important. I actually was going to mention this to you, and I am pleased someone else brought it up. You seem to have "automatic NEGATIVE thoughts" or ANTs. For example, when you speak to a male you automatically evaluate him as a threat. The statistical probability of him actually being a threat in a public place in broad daylight is extremely close to zero. Hence, the thought is irrational and can be defined as an ANT. Your ANTs are certainly detected by others. You have been very perceptive with others' body language. I would guarantee that they are perceiving yours.
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I realize that. The probability is small. But it is there. Not being aware of that would be foolish.
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Did fat, bald guy ask about your injuries because he cares or because he wanted to project an image of caring because he could see you were uncomfortable/threatened?
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I have no idea. It obviously couldn't be out of concern for my health or welfare, because we'd never seen each other or spoken before that moment.
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Perhaps he was trying to allay your discomfort by displaying compassion. "I care about your current injuries, so you can be assured I won't be adding to them."
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I'm sorry, but I don't really see that as a reasonable interpretation. I'm a complete stranger. Why should he care about how I feel or my injuries?
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Generally, your evaluation of the people you meet seems to be that they aren't behaving the way you expected/wanted. You might ask yourself, "Are these people acting this way because they ARE this way, or are they acting this way as a REaction to something I am doing? (Body Language)" And here's where you need to avoid the ANTs again!
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This is exactly what I was doing in that restaurant when I wasn't served. I was wondering if they were reacting to something about me, the way I was dressed, or something I did.
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3) If you want some light reading, you should consider picking up a book on group dynamics/human factors. You might not ever be truly comfortable with these concepts, but studying them might assist you in faking it during unavoidable social situations, like the faculty dinner.
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Thank you. I'll keep that in mind.
Gilda