Gilda

Ok, one more try at this.

I picked a woman who was dressed in about the same manner as I was. I was wearing black slacks, a dark green fitted blouse with matching alligator (fake) shoes and black lace pattern knee-high silk socks. She was wearing fitted tan slacks, a white blouse, a gold brocade vest, and black heels with a small gold buckle on the toe. She was a relatively tall Korean woman, about 35, long wavy black hair, very slim. She spoke with a thick southern accent, which surprised me at first, and I'm a bit disappointed with myself that I was surprised, as that indicates that I was making an unwarranted assumption about her based on race. She mostly looked at my face, glancing down at my cast and my clothes a time or two. I took notes immediately after so I could get this right:

Me: Uh, excuse me, but would you mind telling me where the education building is?
She: Sure. What do y'all need to do there? [I was thinking, what does it matter, you either know where it is or you don't]
Me: I, uh, need to talk to Dr. [department head].
She: His office is in the school of education administration building.
Me: Oh, ok. [pause]
She: Are y'all new here?
Me: Yeah.
She: Nice to meet you. I'm Dr. [lastname, a distinctive British name]. [she extended her hand to shake hands, once again glancing at my cast]
Me: Nice to meet you. I'm Gilda. [I shook hands. I noticed her nails had an impeccable french manicure, which reminded me that I need to find a nail salon here, and I made a mental note to see if I could find something on the internet, but forgot about it until I starting writing this]
She: How long have y'all been in [state]?
Me: Uh, about a month, I guess. [if this hadn't been one of the half dozen most beautiful women I'd ever met in person in my life, I'd have been getting antsy by now; get to the directions already, I was thinking]
She: Why do you need to see Dr. [ed department head]?
Me: A couple of my classes are dual credit.
She: Oh, are y'all Dr. [English departmenthead]'s new GA?
Me: I don't think so. [I was wearing green that day, but I didn't have a bow with me, so I don't think she and I have the same interpretation of what GA means. I still don't. More terminology I'm supposed to know but don't.] I'm an instructor.
She: Oh. You have dual credit classes?
Me: Yeah.
She: They usually don't give those to instructors. What classes do you have?
Me: None right now. I start in January.
She: Yeah, hon, that's what I meant.
Me: Oh. Sorry, I thought . . . [pause]
She: I didn't know we had any new instructors. You English?
Me: [momentarily confused, thinking, no Irish and Ukranian, with a little Chinese for flavor, but that's probably not what she meant, and while I paused to consider this, she continued]
She: What department you workin' for?
Me: English and education both.
She: That's strange. They never have instructors do that. What classes you got?
Me: Uh . . .
She: I mean when you start in January.
Me: Uh, Freshman Comp I, World Masterpieces II [side note--I am woefully unqualified to teach this class, but all newbies get a freshman comp and a freshman lit survey as two of their couses, with the lit class being handed out roughly at random; it's only the upper division classes that are assigned based on specialty], children's lit, and adolescent lit.
She: That the three hour children's lit, or the five hour lit and methods class.
Me: The lit/methods class.
She: Damn. I thought that was . . . you aren't Dr. Nakamura are you?
Me: Yeah.
She: Damn. How old are you? [If I hadn't been fantasizing about clubbing her with my cast, ripping her clothes off, and having my way with her right there on the corridor floor, I'd have been ready to gouge my eyes out by now]
Me: 29.
She: Damn. I was expecting a middle-aged Japanese woman, but I guess I can see it a little now.
Me: What do you mean?
She: What are you, maybe 1/4?
Me: [quizzical expression]
She: You don't look Japanese.
Me: I'm not. It's my married name. [this I find a surprising, and just a little annoying, assumption coming from an Asian woman with a British surname; do people routinely assume that a woman's last name is necessarily indiciative of her ethnicity?]
She: You sure you're not a little Asian?
Me: 1/8 Chinese, I think. The records aren't real clear.
She: Ah. Listen, hon. You're not an instructor, you're a professor. It may seem a small thing to you, but it's a big deal to a lot of people around here. Instructors are temps with master's degrees and GA's [and I'm thinking, cool! I want to be in Mr. Queen's class] And you'll want to introduce yourself as Dr. Nakamura, or people will all assume you're a GA. Y'all sure you're 29?
Me: Uh, yeah, ok. Yeah, I'm sure. Can you . . . [I was ready to ask for directions again, but she was off on tangent number 17, section B, subtangert 3.4]
She: So, y'all gonna be at the faculty dinner next Tuesday?
Me: Uh, I hadn't planned to.
She: Oh, hon, you really need to be there.
Me: I'm not part of the faculty yet, I'm just here . . .
She: Oh, shoot, honey, don't worry 'bout that.
Me: I don't know anyone here yet.
She: You do now! And all the more reason to come. Y'all are part of our family now. Time to meet all your weird aunts and uncles [I actually felt a little chill when she said that; not her fault, she has no way of knowing how that would strike a nerve in me].
Me: I'm not sure . . .
She: Really hon, unless y'all are all leavin' this weekend, you need to be there. Dr. [department head] wouldn't like it very much if you weren't. [and I'm thinking, if it means more conversations like this one, maybe I can just quit now and have it all over with. Being a housewife wouldn't be so bad.]
Me: Ok. I'll think about it. Uh, where is Dr. [ed department head]'s office?
She: Damn! Forgot about that. [and she gave me directions]
Me: Thanks.
She: Remember, you're Dr. Nakamura, a professor. Start upfront with that if you don't want any shit from [Dr. department head's secretary]. If they think you're an instructor or a GA . . . aw fuck it. I'll walk you over.
Me: Uh . . . [and she proceeded to walk me over to the administration office, where she introduced me as Dr. Nakamura, with a heavy emphasis on the Dr. to the secretary, chatted with her for a bit, then took off.]

Sigh.

Here's what I was hoping for:

Me: Me: Uh, excuse me, but would you mind telling me where the education building is?
She: [gives me directions]

I'd have ended up in the wrong place, but I would much prefer asking directions again to another round of something like that.

I am sooooo glad this experiment is over. I'll be able to rely on my trusty little map and trial and error for the rest of this month. I think I'll print up flyers with a FAQ on them and just pass them out at the faculty dinner, which I ended up telling Dr. Departmenthead I would be attending. He told me to bring Mr. Nakamura so that everyone could meet him, too. I'm more than a little ashamed that I didn't correct him.

[sigh]

Gilda

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