Oh, my dear. You don't need to apologize, and it's not selfish - I see you beat yourself up and I just want to either hug you or hold my head in my hands. I SOOOO don't want to be harsh because you seem to be fallow ground for internalizing people's comments, but I think you missed the point.
You went back to edit things because you feel they reflect badly on you and you wanted some control over your surroundings; we're not upset that you did this and certainly don't think it was selfish (at least I don't) - we just want you to get that (here's "the point" that you missed) those things you hate about yourself and want to edit out make you loveable to us and make us think about ourselves. Isn't that the best essence of being human? Connecting with other people and seeing yourself in them?
Oh, honey, I know you've been hurt in some big and deep ways, and it probably started (as ratbastid has said) early early in life. So early that this automatic self-hatred is just the water you swim in. It's so true, it's like breathing. You don't think about it, it just IS the way it IS. Let me say again, there's absolutely nothing wrong with how you are. The only thing that's "wrong" with it is that you are caught between familiar ways of being, and seeing that you want something else and not knowing how to get it because you just feel trapped inside yourself.
I'll refer you to another thread I started on "cognitive distortions."
http://www.tfproject.org/tfp/showthr...ve+distortions
When I'm upset about something, when I hate myself and nothing in my life feels like the way it should be, and I just want a reset button so I can start over and do it right this time, I look at these and ask myself:
1. What's the situation (just describe the absolute facts, e.g., my boss said "you didn't turn in the report I asked for on time", or I didn't pay my electric bill on time)
2. What automatic thoughts am I using (e.g., "I'm a failure and my life is out of control")
3. What cognitive distortions am I using (e.g., labeling and magnification)
4. What could I ask to challenge this (e.g., what areas of my life are in control? What have I succeeded at?)
5. What would be a more realistic statement? (e.g., I was late with the assignment; my system for paying bills is not working)
All we want is for you to see yourself the way we all see you.