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Also, Gilda, don't underestimate the contribution this thread is making to other people. You being so raw and honest about things gives others (like me) an opportunity (even a challenge!) to look really hard at our own feelings about this. Look at how many closet introverts have spoken up and been touched by what you've written.
I talk a big game, and most of the time I do have this managed, but shit, there are still times where I would rather chew through my own ankle than go to a party with people I don't know. It doesn't take much - a bad hair day, catching an unflattering glimpse of myself in a mirror, wearing the wrong shoes, saying something stupid in a meeting - and suddenly I feel like a worm and I can't imagine exposing myself to the inevitable and (I feel) righteous judgment of people who are so much more accomplished/beautiful/intelligent/kind/effective/choose my flaw than I am. Everyone else looks at me and says "what the fuck are you thinking? You're brilliant, beautiful, poised, blah blah blah" and I know that's not how I feel, but that's what they SEE. So this is the insight I can give you: listen to the people around you. Your feelings are not necessarily (or even likely!) correlated with reality. And they don't need to stop you from having the life you want. There's absolutely nothing wrong with wanting to be by yourself, which is a healthy impulse; but we ALL lose something precious when a beautiful, intelligent, compassionate, caring person like you stifles herself because she's afraid of what we might think of her.
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"If ten million people believe a foolish thing, it is still a foolish thing."
- Anatole France
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