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You know, I think my main problem here is that Grace is on the other side of the country and I'm lonely.
In the midst of trying to reply to every little thing there, and getting all caught up in the whole restaurant incident, I think I lost track of the main point.
This is basically what I've gotten from the thread:
1. It's all internal. The world isn't looking at me judgementally.
2. It isn't being shy that causes me to be uncomfortable in situations like those I described, it's that I'm shy and don't want to be.
3. I need to learn to accept that this is just how I am, and that doesn't make me an unworthy person.
4. I shouldn't analyze things to death. It isn't not being served that was upsetting, it's the endless analysis I put myself through to figure out why. I should just accept that I didn't do anything wrong in the restaurant except get upset. I should just accept that bad service and rudeness is part of life, and not get upset about that. It happened. It'll happen again. There isn't anything I should have done differently, or should do differently the next time except for not to take it personally.
5. Everyone feels this way all the time, or at least much of the time. Some just don't let it bother them. Learn to accept my limits instead of getting upset about them, and I'll feel better about myself.
6. Being more assertive won't help me be happier if I don't accept myself as a worthy person, and once I do accept myself as worthy, I won't feel like I need to be more assertive; I'll be able to accept myself for who I am.
That alll makes sense, I guess. I'll try to work on accepting myeself for who I am. It certainly seems a less stressful course than the assertiveness training that ended so badly last month in the hobby shop.
Thank you everyone for the help.
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.
~Steven Colbert
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