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Originally Posted by Gilda
I hope this makes some kind of sense. I've been avoiding finding a new therapist here, and this is the kind of thing I usually talked to with him.
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Obviously you're a thoughtful and sensitive individual. You've done a great job expressing your emotions.
One of my introvert friends sent
this interesting article to all his friends. In his own words, "Rarely have I read an article that described my plight so perfectly. The opening lines couldn't possibly describe me more precisely."
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Do you know someone who needs hours alone every day? Who loves quiet conversations about feelings or ideas, and can give a dynamite presentation to a big audience, but seems awkward in groups and maladroit at small talk? Who has to be dragged to parties and then needs the rest of the day to recuperate?
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I tested as an introvert in my younger days, though I question whether that was really the case, or whether it was just crushing shyness. In my conversations, I would constantly be afraid of making a mistake. "Did I sound stupid? Did he like my joke?"
What changed me, I think, was changing the focus of my thoughts from myself to the other person. "Wow, what smart guy! I wonder what he thinks about this other subject." Instead of worrying about how smart I sounded, I started to enjoy how smart/passionate/crazy my fellow humans were.
Of course, there's something to be said for brain chemistry too--whatever inhibitions I used to have are long gone, and I highly doubt it was solely because of a decision on my part to change focus from myself to others. Whatever it was that was debilitating decided to disappear for me. It sounds like your friends think being less shy will lead to a richer life for you, and maybe it will, but they should consider the possibility that you are happier having a few close friends that you treasure deeply. Perhaps forwarding the above article to them will help!
EDIT: bleh--teach me to speak before reading all the responses. Consider this, then a supporting opinion on the article linked.