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abaya · 11-13-2005, 12:16 PM

Good article, Frost. I have become more and more of an introvert as I've gotten older. I used to be quite the party-host, loved having people over and entertaining friends (see Gatsby). But I remember a specific day in college, my sophomore year, when I realized my core introvert tendencies.. it was the welcome-back day, and everyone was gathering in the quad to hear about the summer and whatnot. After an hour or two of that, I felt like I was going to explode, and ran back to my dorm room. I was exhausted, and retreated to writing in my journal for an hour or two to let out my thoughts before going back to the activities.

I think this pattern has fit me well throughout my life... I do enjoy people, and I'm even an anthropologist. But I can't take them in great quantities (<5, though I prefer 1, maybe 2), and I need long periods of being alone or with my SO to recover from those social situations. Also, as I am in a long-term, serious relationship, I find that ktspktsp's company is pretty much all I want and need. When I was single, I forced myself to be social often because I knew I needed that interaction, and possible wanted to meet someone. But damn, it exhausted me.

I don't know how this addresses Gilda's concerns, but I want you to know that it is not a bad thing to be what you are. It is a bad thing, though, when you have a goal and you don't know how to reach it.. like wanting to be assertive and confident enough to demand good service in a restaurant. The only thing I can say is, it's okay to have those fears, and to believe that your benefits outweigh the costs of extroversion. I know many people who have justified other fear-based decisions (e.g. waiting for marriage to have sex) and they are happy where they are at, and they don't feel like they are missing anything.

But you know what?.. in my opinion, life is about learning to make mistakes and look stupid, yet to do so with confidence and grace. And I don't mean Grace, your Grace. I mean with learning how to fall down, pick yourself up, and say to yourself, "I'm fine, and I don't care if someone just saw that mistake. I am a better person because of it." and to be able to function without your Grace.

Also, look at what you are missing when she is just across the country.. what would happen if she died in an accident tomorrow? How would you cope, Gilda? These are the things I fear, for you... I saw my mother lose my father in an accident, after investing all her hopes and dreams and personality in him... and she was a wreck for so long after that. I still don't think she has learned to be okay on her own, 26 years later.. and that dependence of her personality is inappropriate as a mother. I needed her to be independent and self-sufficient, and she wasn't. And it harmed me.

I don't know what else to say. I accept that you are who you are, but at some level it sounds very much like you are unhappy with the way things are, and that you justify yourself with very detailed self-analysis and thinking instead of really going out there and taking real risks in uncomfortable situations. It is because of this discontent that I really encourage you to get out there, try some really awful, uncomfortable things, over and over and over again (this is a form of cognitive therapy), and eventually... you WILL change. But only if you want to.

11-13-2005, 12:16 PM	#25 (permalink)
abaya Location: Iceland	Good article, Frost. I have become more and more of an introvert as I've gotten older. I used to be quite the party-host, loved having people over and entertaining friends (see Gatsby). But I remember a specific day in college, my sophomore year, when I realized my core introvert tendencies.. it was the welcome-back day, and everyone was gathering in the quad to hear about the summer and whatnot. After an hour or two of that, I felt like I was going to explode, and ran back to my dorm room. I was exhausted, and retreated to writing in my journal for an hour or two to let out my thoughts before going back to the activities. I think this pattern has fit me well throughout my life... I do enjoy people, and I'm even an anthropologist. But I can't take them in great quantities (<5, though I prefer 1, maybe 2), and I need long periods of being alone or with my SO to recover from those social situations. Also, as I am in a long-term, serious relationship, I find that ktspktsp's company is pretty much all I want and need. When I was single, I forced myself to be social often because I knew I needed that interaction, and possible wanted to meet someone. But damn, it exhausted me. I don't know how this addresses Gilda's concerns, but I want you to know that it is not a bad thing to be what you are. It is a bad thing, though, when you have a goal and you don't know how to reach it.. like wanting to be assertive and confident enough to demand good service in a restaurant. The only thing I can say is, it's okay to have those fears, and to believe that your benefits outweigh the costs of extroversion. I know many people who have justified other fear-based decisions (e.g. waiting for marriage to have sex) and they are happy where they are at, and they don't feel like they are missing anything. But you know what?.. in my opinion, life is about learning to make mistakes and look stupid, yet to do so with confidence and grace. And I don't mean Grace, your Grace. I mean with learning how to fall down, pick yourself up, and say to yourself, "I'm fine, and I don't care if someone just saw that mistake. I am a better person because of it." and to be able to function without your Grace. Also, look at what you are missing when she is just across the country.. what would happen if she died in an accident tomorrow? How would you cope, Gilda? These are the things I fear, for you... I saw my mother lose my father in an accident, after investing all her hopes and dreams and personality in him... and she was a wreck for so long after that. I still don't think she has learned to be okay on her own, 26 years later.. and that dependence of her personality is inappropriate as a mother. I needed her to be independent and self-sufficient, and she wasn't. And it harmed me. I don't know what else to say. I accept that you are who you are, but at some level it sounds very much like you are unhappy with the way things are, and that you justify yourself with very detailed self-analysis and thinking instead of really going out there and taking real risks in uncomfortable situations. It is because of this discontent that I really encourage you to get out there, try some really awful, uncomfortable things, over and over and over again (this is a form of cognitive therapy), and eventually... you WILL change. But only if you want to. __________________ And think not you can direct the course of Love; for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course. --Khalil Gibran Last edited by abaya; 11-13-2005 at 04:52 PM..