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I'm sorry for what you're going through. I think in a sense though that this moment you are going through and this thread you have made have really made you see things in a clearer light.
Normally I'd say that this seems to me like one of those "right person, wrong time" cases. Like your GF said, 5 years down the line you could get together and there would be no problems. Maybe it is that.
But as time passes and I experience more in life, I have come to think that sometimes there isn't a right time, and you're not always ready and perfect and willing to go thorugh with something. If she's the right person and you really want her so much, you should try anway.
Who cares if plans have been ruined and horrible things said and done, it's still worth it if it's so important to you and also to her. There is always a way, if you are both willing and want it enough. I really believe that.
You have some issues - well I can relate. I have had more than one sexual partner, but only just. I used to wonder whether that was okay, whether I was suddenly in my 30's going to turn into a sex vixen and want to get around some, but I came to realise that if I'm happy with what I have then I can put those thoughts away in a small place that's so tiny and far that eventually it will disappear as my love and certainty keeps growing.
We're never happy with what we have, there's always something. But the truly happy people are those who not only are happy with what they have, every day they are still in wonder at how many great things are in their life and how grateful they are to have them.
I agree with abaya, it seems hard to me to have a best friend of the opposite sex if you're with someone who aside from being your lover, is also your best friend. I also think of my SO as my best friend. It's the best feeling in the world. That's also why I trust him implicitly. But some things are too much and obviously your girlfriend had a sixth sense about Sarah - which seems in some part confirmed by you, and also, seeing that your GF knows she is your first, the tension with regards Sarah, a close friend who seems sometimes a little more than that, is even greater.
I think you can work out your issues and stay with your GF, if she'll have you back. You may not win her back at once, but maybe she will take you back - don't give up on the first try. Just a tip - women love men who are in love with them and won't give up on the first try. Who make an effort to win them back. Expressing how you feel quite openly and without reserve, however painful for you, is sure to reach her heart, if she stil wants you. Your GF sounds like a really nice and understanding person. She even tried to make friends with Sarah - that's pretty generous when probably all she wants Sarah to do is go away.
The important thing is to always communicate with your GF, and if you do that and let her listen to your feelings and help when you need it, I'm sure that together you can work your problems out. I also think that if you have someone who loves you at your side, that will only help you grow stronger and erase those doubts away.
I hope things work out for the best.
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Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
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