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Thank you very, very much for replying. The first poem means the most to me, which is probably why it turned out well. I detest myself for killing mice, even though it doesn't bother most people. Cellophanediety, if you like fantasy novels, there is a book called The Amazing Maurice and His Educated Rodents (by Terry Pratchett) that you ought to read (I suppose its actually more of a satire of fantasy. Quite funny as well). The book parades as a children's/YA publication, but, like most Terry Pratchett books, there is a great deal of philosophy and social commentary slipped in as well.
As to third poem, I used old english mostly to strengthen the connection with the biblical tale, and I agree that it is not terribly strong. Here are two different versions of the last stanza...
As suggested by cellophanediety:
I am the twisted garden paradise,
call me Ed for short,
I welcome you into my midst,
of lush and green delight,
But do not eat my forbidden fruit,
or I will strike thee mortal and thou shalt die.
or...
I am the twisted garden paradise,
call me Ed for short,
I welcome you into my midst,
of lush and green delight,
But do not eat my forbidden fruit,
or I will strike you mortal and you shall (will?) die.
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