abaya

Same here, simivin. Your last post was extremely honest, so thank you in return. I can really feel the confusion and sadness that you are going through. It ain't easy... but you've made a tough decision, and now you gotta follow it through.

Maybe other TFP'ers will disagree with me, but I want to encourage you to find someone (maybe Sarah, maybe someone else) who will be both your lover AND your best friend. Where you will have everything that you need in one person. I know that's not always possible... and of course, outside friends are essential for both people... but I find it very, very difficult for MOST people (not all, and again, the TFP is full of people who are not in the norm) to have a best friend of the opposite sex while romantically involved with someone else. It is just too difficult to maintain that level of intimacy with two people at once, unless you are an exceptional person (not saying that you aren't, but I can tell you that I certainly am not, at least in that way)... and even if you can do it, your SO might not be cool with it. So it goes.

Let us know how you are doing, alright? For what it's worth, I am just really impressed with your honesty here on the TFP. From your OP to the most recent post, it seems you've explored a huge range of emotions and actions, and I sense that you are really growing here. Most guys (and girls) would never be this honest... they would go on covering up whatever it was they were denying (even to themselves), for the sake of preserving their pride and "sticking to their story." Thank you for sharing your process.

__________________
And think not you can direct the course of Love;
for Love, if it finds you worthy, directs your course.
--Khalil Gibran