You guys are all too caring, I wish my girlfiend was like you right now
So I just got back from lunch with her. I basically described to her again my take on realizing the importance of the wedding and that my initial reactions were only out of defense. (In the past I've really been whipped in relationships and I really was just trying to protect myself when the whole wedding thing came up..) I explained that this situation has helped me think about where I'm trying to go in life, with or without her, and that after much thought, she *does* hold a dear spot in it. I explained that it was after coming to realize how much she really meant to me that I realized how much I probably hurt her when I was indecisive about the wedding and said sorry for putting her through that and that I now understand how much I hurt her.
She took it rather well, saying things like she truely appreciates it and such. It gets messier though. After lunch I un-pressure-ly asked what she thought about me planning on going to the wedding with her and she got funky, which is somewhat expected. She said (like someone here said to expect) that she can't snap out of it and that she's pretty far past excepting that I said no. I understand this too but didn't know how to stress how bad I felt and how much I wanted to fix things, especially since I really haven't done anything like this in the past. Thoughts of her having secondary plans ran through my mind.
The worst part was when we were driving afterwards and I asked if she still considers me her boyfriend. I know, I know, pressure rings out, but I'm glad I asked it because some pretty interesting feelings came out. She said she's confused about "labels" right now, and to me it sounded like an excuse for not wanting responsibility with me. Again, I try to understand this as being typical with someone who wants space, but it leaves me to ask...then what exactly am I to this girl right now? Just a dude?
In conclusion I guess that's the role I'm going to need to assume as of now. I've spoken my feelings, said what I needed to say as to not have regrets, and put the ball in her court. She kissed me on the lips a few times and such but who knows. I really hope the honest, kind girl I once knew is still within her. Even if it doesn't mean getting back together with me, I just hope she's honest with herself and with me.
Thanks again if you've made it this far guys. You will never understand how much you've helped.
Any advice, comments, criticism, etc is welcome