Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post - Non-physical "what is too far" cheating question

simivin · 11-09-2005, 08:57 AM

Well, I think you've made a lot of good points, and things I've considered before. My (ex) GF's best friend is a guy, and I've had to deal with that and did ok getting past it. One of her past lover's hangs around periodically, since he is a good friend of her brothers, and that makes me feel terribly awkward (she was my first, so I have little experience in that area). I have had to deal with it, and I know I've failed, in some sense, because it has bothered me. I did try to see from my GF's point of view, but I know I didn't reassure her as well as I should have, especially because I was honest when confronted about my thought regarding Sarah.

Maybe Sarah and I were too friendly -- I mean, we were drunk and she was leaning on me while we were on the metro, and people might just assume that we are dating, but we've generally been like that since high school anyway. As for bringing my GF, she lives 4 hours away and doesn't have a car, so while it was possible, I guess, I didn't really think it was feasible.

As for considering Sarah, yes, the thought has crossed my mind. But I'm not even sure it's something I want to do; really, if it was that high an interest, I'd figure I'd be more inclined to pursue her. My friendship with her is more relaxed than the tension-filled relationship with my ex, which is appealing, sure. Maybe I have wanted to date her all along and I've just been trying to supress that or ignore that feeling (that might be the case). It would be nice to finally resolve some of the curiousity both of us has felt for six or seven years, sure. But I'm really not sure I want that over my ex. Bummer of a dilemma, and one that only I can figure out, I guess.

I don't know. Part of me feels like I might just be beating around the bush, ignoring what is really there, or trying to force myself into something that I subconsciously don't prefer. Maybe the fact that this is a possibility says something, I don't know.

Sim

PS: I had a similar situation little_tippler. Was dating a girl for over a year, let her go to prom with her best friend (I was 3000 miles away, but trusting), and she ended up cheating on me. Seeing as how she was my last serious girlfriend, I think it's easy to see why I have so many issues, myself.

11-09-2005, 08:57 AM	#50 (permalink)
simivin Banned	Well, I think you've made a lot of good points, and things I've considered before. My (ex) GF's best friend is a guy, and I've had to deal with that and did ok getting past it. One of her past lover's hangs around periodically, since he is a good friend of her brothers, and that makes me feel terribly awkward (she was my first, so I have little experience in that area). I have had to deal with it, and I know I've failed, in some sense, because it has bothered me. I did try to see from my GF's point of view, but I know I didn't reassure her as well as I should have, especially because I was honest when confronted about my thought regarding Sarah. Maybe Sarah and I were too friendly -- I mean, we were drunk and she was leaning on me while we were on the metro, and people might just assume that we are dating, but we've generally been like that since high school anyway. As for bringing my GF, she lives 4 hours away and doesn't have a car, so while it was possible, I guess, I didn't really think it was feasible. As for considering Sarah, yes, the thought has crossed my mind. But I'm not even sure it's something I want to do; really, if it was that high an interest, I'd figure I'd be more inclined to pursue her. My friendship with her is more relaxed than the tension-filled relationship with my ex, which is appealing, sure. Maybe I have wanted to date her all along and I've just been trying to supress that or ignore that feeling (that might be the case). It would be nice to finally resolve some of the curiousity both of us has felt for six or seven years, sure. But I'm really not sure I want that over my ex. Bummer of a dilemma, and one that only I can figure out, I guess. I don't know. Part of me feels like I might just be beating around the bush, ignoring what is really there, or trying to force myself into something that I subconsciously don't prefer. Maybe the fact that this is a possibility says something, I don't know. Sim PS: I had a similar situation little_tippler. Was dating a girl for over a year, let her go to prom with her best friend (I was 3000 miles away, but trusting), and she ended up cheating on me. Seeing as how she was my last serious girlfriend, I think it's easy to see why I have so many issues, myself.