|
ok, I may be biased, but I think I'm one of the few people in this thread who maybe has something to say for how your girlfriend was feeling about your friend.
I am a very trusting person and can be quite blind at times in certain situations. It sucks because I always hit the ground hard when my trust is broken. Even today I still do, although I say I've learnt from my experience.
I had a boyfriend I was with for 2 years, who was important to me at the time. We were very open and once he told me that at 17 he had lost his virginity to an older woman, who was also a friend of his mom's. She still was when he told me. Nothing had happened after that one time. She was now a single mom of a little girl. I had to meet her but didn't think much of it. I never liked her much but kept it to myself and was nice to her. Occasionally I'd have to see her at family gatherings but that was fine. One day my boyfriend didn't pick up the phone (at night) for some hours. He later called me and said he'd run out of battery. I thought nothing more of it. Fast forward to three months later, when he came out and told me that on that night he had driven her home from a family thing with his mom, and then he'd gone up to her house and one thing had led to another and she had kissed him. I'll never know if that's all that happened - like I said, hours passed. I'm sure you can imagine how angry and stupid I felt.
I don't like friends who were exes. If someone wants to dump me for it go ahead. My current SO has a friend who is an ex and he was with her for a year. I trust him when he tells me that he would never do that to me. I have never said to him I don't want you to be friends with her. But it's in my head. I don't like it.
I would be fine if she was a friend and only that. But he had a relationship with her. Luckily for me they are in different countries so I don't have to face it that often.
In your case, you see her often, talk to her all the time, and there is some sexual tension. If you tell your girlfriend that, how do you think she would feel? Maybe you should turn it around and put yourself in her shoes. If she had a male friend who she had dated for a time, and when you saw her together with him everything was all so palsy and touchy and giggly, how would it affect you? (Not assuming that this is what you do, but if you're good friends then you must certainly laugh together, rib each other playfully and act like good friends occasionally, just translating what your GF will see)
I'm not saying she shouldn't accept it. But the fact that even other people who see you together say you look like a cute couple suggests that the way you act together is probably not a "strictly friends" type of situation.
I know this is one of those situations where you feel torn between friends and girlfriend, but if you want to be with her seriously (your GF), then you should think whether you could tone things down with your friend to not cause her distress. Yes it's your friend, that pal for life, I feel the same about my friends. But your girlfriend, if you feel that way about her, could also be for life, your soulmate. Or not.
Just one more thing...the fact that you have broken up with your girlfriend and that you are already straight away considering the possibilty of pursuing things with Sarah, means it was there all along. Your girlfriend obviously had a point.
__________________
Whether we write or speak or do but look
We are ever unapparent. What we are
Cannot be transfused into word or book.
Our soul from us is infinitely far.
However much we give our thoughts the will
To be our soul and gesture it abroad,
Our hearts are incommunicable still.
In what we show ourselves we are ignored.
The abyss from soul to soul cannot be bridged
By any skill of thought or trick of seeming.
Unto our very selves we are abridged
When we would utter to our thought our being.
We are our dreams of ourselves, souls by gleams,
And each to each other dreams of others' dreams.
Fernando Pessoa, 1918
|