simivin

Well, an update for those interested...

The last couple weeks had been rather hectic and stressful at times with my GF. A couple weeks ago, I was talking with my friend (Sarah) because she was having relationship problems; lo and behold, my GF calls right as I'm getting ready to finish that conversation and when I talk to her, she is pissed and unhappy and upset. I try to calm her down and I tell her that it hurts that she doesn't trust me at all, that she isn't giving me a chance. Ok, that seemed to work, but the next couple days, I was so frustrated and bummed out that I called things off, but we decided to try some more (and I would be more patient and she would be more trusting).

A week goes by, I think things are ok, and then out of nowhere my GF is upset because Sarah hasn't written her back (my GF wrote an email trying to be friends and trying to be accepting of Sarah and my friendship; Sarah didn't have a clue how to respond). My GF is very upset, and then gets more upset when I remind her that I was going to visit Sarah in a couple weekends for her birthday. My GF works through it, but at this point, I'm feeling pretty disillusioned and tired. I worked through it, but now I'm thinking, "I can't take too much more of this, I'm unhappy, etc." Even my GF admitted that things seemed harder than they should be. We had a good weekend and a fun Halloween party at her place, but my perplexity wasn't going away all that fast and I was stressed.

So last week, I'm feeling pressured and stressed because I was going to visit Sarah that weekend. At this point, I'm not feeling confident in myself or my feelings or anything; rather confused and unhappy and stressed and not sure what it's going to be like to see Sarah and how I'd feel, etc. I told myself that if my GF breaks down again, I don't know that I can take it anymore and that will have to be it. Well, my GF seemed upset on IM and asked "Promise me everything's going to be ok [this weekend]". I couldn't promise because I was so stressed and upset about everything that now I didn't know anything. But, my GF and I talked and she calmed me down, and afterwards I felt better.

Enter this weekend. My GF and I were writing emails back and forth, trying to just be relaxed and such, even though I knew she was kind of worried. I thought things were ok. So Sarah and I went out on Sat -- went to a museum with her and her friends, went to dinner (just her and I, because her friends ditched), and then went to a bar with her friends. We danced and had fun, but nothing happened whatsoever. It was weird because people (and some random people) commented on how cute a couple we were and such, but both of us would exclaim that we're not dating. And Sarah and I both consciously knew and recognized that we needed to be faithful and respectful. I slept over at her place and she said I could sleep in her bed ("and I won't touch you") but I said no, I'll sleep on the floor, because I didn't think my GF would appreciate that. Did I periodically wonder about Sarah, especially with the comments people made? Sure I did. But it wasn't anything I was planning on acting on.

However, my GF called at 5 in the morning -- but hung up before I could answer it. Then she called at 9 in the morning. Apparently, she had gotten on my IM to check Sarah's away message, got bothered and anxious and drank 8 beers, alone with nothing going on, tried to sleep, couldn't, and called me. She called again right after the second time, to apologize. We've had our problems and our issues, and this weekend was a stress on both of us, but I had thought that we could get past it; however, at this point, though, I was disappointed and even more disillusioned. So, I thought about things, talked to my parents about our situation, and called my GF that night and told her I wanted a break/breakup because we obviously both have things to work on. But was I wrong? Should I have given her another chance? Part of me feels no, but part of me feels I should have given a little bit more time.

We talked a little the last couple days and decided we wouldn't talk anymore for the next 3 or 4 weeks, giving us time to reevaluate things. I know I need to figure things out -- I know I haven't been the best boyfriend for her and I've been disappointed with myself throught the relationship. Maybe I haven't felt like I want a serious relationship at this point, no matter how much I care for her, or perhaps I've also been frustrated with what our relationship turned into (since we're both great people).

Any comments or thoughts or advice on everything above? Also, I just don't know what I should do or how I should approach things. Should I just try to move on? Should I try to get out and meet some people/girls (I've recently moved here for grad school and all my friends from undergrad are elsewhere)? Should I try to see how things go with Sarah, since that has never been explored? I obviously am not of a mind to rush into another relationship, but more just want to try to relax and take things as they come. Or, should I just hold on until I talk to my GF? So many things convoluted our relationship that it has become hard to discern my actual feelings or emotions.

So that is that at this point. Thanks for any further thoughts.

Sim