Originally Posted by ratbastid

Absolutely goddamn right.

If you're interested in a relationship with this woman, you have to tell her. I don't think saving the relationship is out of the question here. I think it's possible that, with full honesty on your part, this could bring you both to a new level.

You've got to lay some foundations for the conversation. You've got to open with how afraid you are to tell her--prepare her to hear it. DO NOT just drop it on her. On the other hand, don't tease her with it. You might say something like, "Listen, there's something I feel like I have to tell you but I'm really afraid to. I'm afraid of what your reaction might be. It'd be completely justified for you to react badly to this, but I don't feel like I can have a relationship with you and keep this secret from you. This is something that hardly anybody knows about me, because it's really hard for me to admit to and talk about, but I just don't feel like I can keep it from you."

At this point, I guarantee, you'll have her complete, undivided attention, and she'll be as ready and open as she's ever been to hear what you have to say.

I can see that, after a period of turmoil, she might come to realize something new and valuable about her own experience. Through you, she might start to have some compassion for the confused, hurting person who hurt her. She might start to be able to forgive, which I guarantee would be good for her. You need to be prepared for some turmoil, though.