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Originally Posted by SERPENT7
Gilda,
Thankyou for some insight into conflict avoidance/introversion.
Peeps often get defensive when a friend is targeted. This why soo many peeps wanted you to kick his ass. Not just to punish him, but to express thier anger at thier own inability to protect you. Thier anger at him translates into affection for you.
Also, NO ONE can immunize you from further trouble.
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The same is true of everyone. What I'm talking about isn't eliminating the possibility of being targeted, but reducing the probability.
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While on the one hand i see what you are saying about division of labor, the stove will not burn the house down if Gracie is in front of it, and you step away for a moment, whereas creeps might try for you as soon as your protector is out of sight.
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I've never been unrealistic about this. I know that I need her far more than she needs me, that my contribution to the relationship is of less importance than hers. I'm very fortunate that she doesn't seem to mind this.
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I still think you should try to find a way to fend for yourself, or not take it sooo personal when 'they' step out of line. (My sister in law got fondled pretty much all the way through europe, but she NEVER once shed a tear over it! I'm sure it was frustrating, but just the same.)
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Geez, that really sounds like a horrible way to spend a trip. Does your sister in law give off signals that attract guys like people have been saying I must be doing, or are European men just a lot more aggressive toward women in general? Or do they just respect women that little? What did she do to protect herself? It obviously wasn't very effective if it kept happening.
I'd never be able to do something like that on my own, and not just because of the reason you give, but because I'm just not brave enough for that sort of thing. Are European men really that aggressive? Do we really live in a world where men care so little about women that a large number of them will just randomly grope any woman they encounter?
I've been working for quite some time to try not to believe such things, not to be afraid of men. This doesn't do much to reassure me that I've been wrong.
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I guess what i am trying to say is why does it impact you so strongly?
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I don't like being touched sexually by a man. Aggressive men scare me because they can hurt me easily and there's little to nothing I could do about that. Combine physical aggresssion and sexual touching, and it's a double whammy. I don't see why that's difficult to understand.
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Because of your history i can see where it comes from, but maybe you should be getting counseling for that stuff. (If you are not already.)
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I am. I have been for several years now. I think I mentioned that above. We do work on assertiveness. That's one of the reasons I told Sissy she could take off with her friends that day and stayed rather than go home. That's the reason I went back, twice, to the store where it happened even though I found that very, very uncomfortable. In this case, being assertive backfired on me, but I did learn something about myself and how I'm viewed in certain contexts, so I suppose that's a good thing because now I know to avoid such places without having some more protection with me.
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I feel like this might be a little forward, though. Sorry about that.
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Not a problem. If I didn't want to discuss such issues, I wouldn't have started the thread. You at least haven't been rude to me.
Gilda