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The point of starting the thread was to explore how I was feeling about having been fondled by a strange man, and to try to figure out why I was targeted so that I could use that information to avoid a repeat. Writing and or talking about difficult experiences is how I figure out how do deal with them.
It's true that I lack assertiveness when in public by myself, mostly as a result of a lack of physical courage and a desire not to offend others or embarrass myself, a desire to avoid conflict and confrontation if at all possible. I recognize those things, but don't really know how to get around them, so I've come to the conclusion that it's better to accept my limitations and live within them rather than make myself miserable by setting goals that I know going in I'll not be able to reach.
I just think I'm being realistic.
For example, in this thread people have pointed out that the predators can read me and know how I'm going to react, and that part of the reason I was targeted was that I was in "their" territory. I had always thought of such places as hobby shops and comic stores as "nerd territory", so being a nerd myself, I saw those places as my territory. I hadn't thought to look at it as the guys thinking of it as guy territory rather than nerd territory. Maybe I just tend to forget that there aren't a lot of female comic geeks and needed to be reminded of that.
Armed with that knowledge, that I project something that might lead some predators to target me, and that in certain environments I'm read as an outsider no matter how I think of myself, I can now make smarter decisions. I can't change the first part, but I can avoid going into what are predominantly male environments without Grace along for protection.
Being violent simply isn't an option for me. I must have communicated poorly about that part, given the number of people here who keep advocating a violent response. You're suggesting it in the abstract. I've been in violent confrontations with men larger than me, and I know from experience that fighting only gets you hurt worse. Escalating the situation to physical violence would not have taken away the offense, and would likely have gotten me hurt physically as well as very upset.
Let me see if I can be perfectly clear. Had I gotten violent with him, there would have been no possible outcome that would have been better than leaving did. Leaving gave me the best way to avoid being physically hurt, and the best way to avoid being further humiliated. Not going back prevents me from being placed in the same situation again. Yes, he got away with it, but I don't really give a damn about how he feels about it. Hurting him, punishing him in some way, would have required doing something that would have made the situation worse for me.
I don't mind that you presented an alternate way of looking at things. That I disagree with you doesn't mean that I'm dismissing your ideas as irrelevant or that I mind your presenting them. That is what this place is about, after all. What I mind is the manner of presentation, which seemed a bit insulting in tone.
Gilda
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I'm against ending blackness. I believe that everyone has a right to be black, it's a choice, and I support that.
~Steven Colbert
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