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It's not stupid to post about this here. You're dealing with the crux of many problematic living situations. Definitely address this before it becomes more of a problem.
But it also sounds like she has a lot of issues if she gets explosive when confronted. If she gets defensive and angry, then she's dealing with insecurity. But that's not your problem.
All rules should be enforced equally and you should not be expected to clean up after your roommate unless you have a prior arrangement.
If she's complaining about a lack of time, unless she's working 16 hours a day, has a 2 hour commute and goes to school, I don't want to hear about it.
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