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Bob Biter · 10-26-2005, 08:06 AM

I was checking out the Ladies' Lounge for anything interesting and thought-provoking, when I came across a thread about a woman's desire to get married, and her SO's apparent aloofness about it. She expressed her unwillingness to propose to him herself, as she feels it's his job.

Now, as a man, I can fully understand why some men put off marriage. We get comfortable with just living with our SO and if no kids are in the picture, we usually don't feel the need to take the relationship to that level. Personally, I have a hard time with the notion that love isn't "true" unless there's a wedding. In fact, I believe a couple can be just as faithful and perfect to each other as b/g than in marriage. The latter just adds extra social benefits and makes the relationship APPEAR more permanent, especially to society at large.

However, I understand that some women just plain need to be engaged/married when they find the right guy. Whether this is a result of social traditions or basic emotional need isn't that important. What IS important, IMHO, is the fact that the actual proposal, the "moving-forward", has to be accomplished by the man. Why? In this day and age, why cling to essentially pointless traditions? If a woman loves a man and wants to marry him, why can't she propose? A man who proposes runs the risk of getting shot down. Is this what women fear?

Judging by the responses to the thread I'm referring to, some women feel that if a man truly loves his SO, he will ask her to marry him. Why can't the situation be reversed? After all, a man who asks someone to marry him runs the same risk of the love not being genuine in the long run.

As an aside, I would also like to ask the thread starter this question: If your SO said to you one day: "Alright, let's go to the courthouse and get married." Would you then be happy, or would you require the ring and the full-blown traditonal wedding? I ask this because I want to understand if what you want is simply the married status, or the recognition/big day/whole 9 yards.

So, how would men feel if their beloved SO would propose to them? Ladies, do you have a problem with proposing to someone?

10-26-2005, 08:06 AM	#1 (permalink)
Bob Biter Non-smokers die everyday Location: Montreal	On the need for engagement/marriage I was checking out the Ladies' Lounge for anything interesting and thought-provoking, when I came across a thread about a woman's desire to get married, and her SO's apparent aloofness about it. She expressed her unwillingness to propose to him herself, as she feels it's his job. Now, as a man, I can fully understand why some men put off marriage. We get comfortable with just living with our SO and if no kids are in the picture, we usually don't feel the need to take the relationship to that level. Personally, I have a hard time with the notion that love isn't "true" unless there's a wedding. In fact, I believe a couple can be just as faithful and perfect to each other as b/g than in marriage. The latter just adds extra social benefits and makes the relationship APPEAR more permanent, especially to society at large. However, I understand that some women just plain need to be engaged/married when they find the right guy. Whether this is a result of social traditions or basic emotional need isn't that important. What IS important, IMHO, is the fact that the actual proposal, the "moving-forward", has to be accomplished by the man. Why? In this day and age, why cling to essentially pointless traditions? If a woman loves a man and wants to marry him, why can't she propose? A man who proposes runs the risk of getting shot down. Is this what women fear? Judging by the responses to the thread I'm referring to, some women feel that if a man truly loves his SO, he will ask her to marry him. Why can't the situation be reversed? After all, a man who asks someone to marry him runs the same risk of the love not being genuine in the long run. As an aside, I would also like to ask the thread starter this question: If your SO said to you one day: "Alright, let's go to the courthouse and get married." Would you then be happy, or would you require the ring and the full-blown traditonal wedding? I ask this because I want to understand if what you want is simply the married status, or the recognition/big day/whole 9 yards. So, how would men feel if their beloved SO would propose to them? Ladies, do you have a problem with proposing to someone? __________________ A plan is just a list of things that don't happen.