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My family reserves Christmas morning and afternoon for ourselves and for church.
Chrismas Eve and the evening of the 25th we go to other family members' houses....
This is a BIG issue that you and your wife will need to work out. There will need to be compromises made...and that's oftentimes the hardest part. Maybe this year you can go along with it...but next year (or the next Christmas you have off) will be a quiet one at home. Maybe the opposite...but work it out NOW, so you can tell everyone else what your plans will be. Don't apologize for your plans (and don't let your wife apologize, either...). The rest of the family will just have to live with the decision you and your wife come to.
Don't worry too much about someone getting insulted; they were bound to get insulted somewhere down the line anyhow. This is about you creating traditions with YOUR family, not continuing their traditions.
From a personal perspective, we have three sets of parents (my parents, her mom, and her dad/stepmom) whom we feel the need to please. My parents live about 300 miles from our house. We do this by splitting up the holidays. Thanskgiving at one place, Christmas eve at one place, and maybe visiting my parents somewhere in there, too. We made it clear taht we would NOT go crazy trying to please everyone...and it works for us!
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