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josie · 10-21-2005, 11:54 PM

I read your post and I found it really interesting to think about. No personal experience with bondage or sadomasochism - the only perceptions I have about it at all are what I have read.

I am totally committed to two consenting adults having the right to express themselves sexually in whatever way they choose, and I was fascinated with the connection you made between being bullied as a child and adolescent and the development of that part of your personality that enjoyed the power you felt when you were dominant. Really interesting.
I can't see myself comfortable being totally dominant and definitely not totally submissive during sex - except on occasion when I was in a particular mood or something. It comes much more naturally for me to feel that I am equal to my partner and treating him during sex as being equal to me. I think if I tried to adopt any other role, it would be just that- an act of some kind- thus unnatural and uncomfortable (for me). But then I was never bullied - and as far as I can remember have always felt that I was treated as an equal by those around me - so maybe there has never been a need for me to integrate that trait into my personality.

Outside of sex, I found it really interesting to think about the whole dominant/submissive personality issue, which to be truthful, I never have very much. And I realized - I find it very hard to be submissive in life- I'm not saying unable to bow to authority-but I've always needed to feel that I was being treated with dignity and as an equal as a person. In any instance that I've felt that I'm not being respected or treated in a way I felt was appropriate - I've always just cut the interaction off right away. I've never taken a lot of shit from anyone - friends, co-workers, etc., and I am aware of how impatient I am with disrespect and have often wondered how I came to be that way. But I don't feel that I'm dominant or submissive - just unwilling to be disrespected, and certainly not humiliated. I understand totally how you would balk at having that done to you, or doing that to anyone else. Anyway, interesting thread.

10-21-2005, 11:54 PM	#3 (permalink)
josie Upright Location: UK	I read your post and I found it really interesting to think about. No personal experience with bondage or sadomasochism - the only perceptions I have about it at all are what I have read. I am totally committed to two consenting adults having the right to express themselves sexually in whatever way they choose, and I was fascinated with the connection you made between being bullied as a child and adolescent and the development of that part of your personality that enjoyed the power you felt when you were dominant. Really interesting. I can't see myself comfortable being totally dominant and definitely not totally submissive during sex - except on occasion when I was in a particular mood or something. It comes much more naturally for me to feel that I am equal to my partner and treating him during sex as being equal to me. I think if I tried to adopt any other role, it would be just that- an act of some kind- thus unnatural and uncomfortable (for me). But then I was never bullied - and as far as I can remember have always felt that I was treated as an equal by those around me - so maybe there has never been a need for me to integrate that trait into my personality. Outside of sex, I found it really interesting to think about the whole dominant/submissive personality issue, which to be truthful, I never have very much. And I realized - I find it very hard to be submissive in life- I'm not saying unable to bow to authority-but I've always needed to feel that I was being treated with dignity and as an equal as a person. In any instance that I've felt that I'm not being respected or treated in a way I felt was appropriate - I've always just cut the interaction off right away. I've never taken a lot of shit from anyone - friends, co-workers, etc., and I am aware of how impatient I am with disrespect and have often wondered how I came to be that way. But I don't feel that I'm dominant or submissive - just unwilling to be disrespected, and certainly not humiliated. I understand totally how you would balk at having that done to you, or doing that to anyone else. Anyway, interesting thread.