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Oh my God, you cannot be serious. He's back. I was resting, what in the turkey is wrong with this guy?
He has the remote in his hand and he's pointing at me as if it's a gun. I know he wants to watch that show with what's her name with the big boobs again. That's what he always flips to. Wouldn't it be funny if I suddently "broke" and forced him to watch something educational for once? Everyone loves learning about the Amazon rainforest, how a waste management plant works or even some new technology that is set to emerge in the next 14 centuries.
Oh gross, he just scratched himself.. down there. I wish he'd take a shower. Or at least change his sweatpants.
He was on the phone the other day with a bar buddy or someone equally stupid and he mentioned something about a job interview and how working was for suckers.. Then they ranted on about "chicks" for awhile. Looks like I'm never going to get any rest, am I.
He's getting up.. where's he going. Oh look at that empty couch, there's actually a butt groove right in dead center. There's probably stains all over that thing. He's back, what's he holding. Oh, should've guessed, a big ol hunking bag of Ruffles.
GO GET A JOB YOU BUM!
He's so goddamn fat too. Must be pushing three hundred pounds by now. I've been forced to look at his grotesque figure for a good six months now. Day in, day out. Bag of ruffles a day makes his fat ass stay.
Holding the remote again in his right hand, left bag stuffed into the Ruffles bag. Oh good, this is just what I needed, he's ordering porn. How he orders it while being a broke ass, I'll never know. His cable bill must be huge. He better just keep his hands away from little Jimmy and I'll be fine. I might vomit otherwise, like I've been wanting to do for weeks.
It's only nine o'clock, my internal clock says. Oh Lord, at least six more hours of torture.
He's just.. staring at me, and doesn't even realize that I'm staring at him back. Not just staring, but making stupid faces at him. Imitating his three chins, sticking out my belly. He doesn't even crack a smile. It's so.. creepy.
Porn, he's watching porn. I'm getting all of his looks. That's it, party time.
I choose to switch the channel, see what he does. Either A) He will hardly notice because he's an idiot, B) He'll rage and slam his fat fingers down on the remote in a panic, C) He'll actually GET UP and do something about it, or D) Sigh, get up and go get a job. Ha, okay that last one was a joke.
And here we go.. what shall we switch to? Discovery Channel? History Channel? PBS? Wait.. on PBS there's some little girls doing ballerina, he might even like that in his current state..
Waste Management Plant show it is.
Wait for it.. wait for it..
Ha! He's confused now, hand still stuck in the chip bag. His right hand gropes for the remote and with a grunt he starts pressing all sorts of buttons.
Sorry buddy. It's nice to know where your shit goes, isn't it? Maybe you could apply for a job there.
He's getting up, wow, his first exercise of the day. He's walking toward me, fists clenched. Great, now I started a fight.
C'mon you tub o' lard, I can take you! Let's see what you got!
Ow, he just hit me on the head. That never works you know, hitting me never fixes anything. Ow, did it again. Don't like the show buddy, do you? Ha!
How about I just die, huh? Bet you'd like that, no TV, YOU'D die too, wouldn't you? No money to buy another one, huh? Ha!
See you in another life, pal.
*blank*
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"I'm gonna die when it's time for me to die.. so let me live my life the way I want to." - Jimi Hendrix
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