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I couldn't read through the whole thing (sorry, no time) but I liked the first third of it. My suggestion would be to work on developing character-sensitive voice...each character, especially through dialogue, should be unique. They don't have to be diametrically opposed (unless you're a strict foil-writer, I suppose :-) but each character should sound different than the others. I was having trouble with this during the first conversation between the main character and Jason's mother.
Good luck!
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