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Originally Posted by raeanna74
So I've tried throwing myself back into church and it's like swimming against a tide of negative emotions about it. I can't find that joy or any right now.
I thought I'd been tested - so why test me again. So many people said to us "This is for good." "God will draw you closer." etc. But even when I try to be/feel closer I just feel fake and angry.
Guess you can see I'm pretty confused.
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I think what people miss in those instances is that there is no simple one true test and then things are ray of sunshine and happiness. A test isn't constructed to make somebody happy when they pass, it's to demonstrate aptitude and assure that you have the tools for even bigger challenges.
This is just my personal opinion, I think you need to find another way to worship. Maybe not even go to church, nor feel guilty for it, for the meanwhile. I did this during my darkest time about ten years ago. What I did instead was pack a picnic every Sunday and go to a solitary beach on a lake, and just sit there and think about things. I eventually started going back to a traditional service and went through Stephen Ministry training to better understand my own faith issues.