raeanna74

I did some searches and didn't really find a thread on this subject but if I missed it let me know.

I feel like I've lost my faith. Mostly. I still believe there is a God and believe that the way to heaven is faith in Christ's payment on the cross for our sins (as detailed in the 10 commandments and nothing more). Beyond that I have no idea where I stand. I have little trust in God for anything above and beyond that.

Where I'm coming from:

I was raised strict Baptist. One church which my parents attended while I was a pre-teen and teen required that the women ALWAYS wear dresses and that they wear a headcovering during church. You can guess the rest of the rules. My parents aren't quite that strict anymore but movie theaters, dancing, drinking, or sex outside of marriage are all strictly taboo. I don't agree with them in any of those areas. I do believe that we should exercise moderation in all things but that is only common sense mostly.

Hubby had a severe head injury about 4 years ago. He was comatose for a few days and sedated for even longer. I nearly lost him. Post injury and when we came home we really found out who the 'real' Christians were and the 'real' friends. The two groups together could be counted on one hand. We had previously been members of a very large church and knew most of the members as hubby had grown up in that church. but unfortunately almost none of them noticed our absence. We struggled with the reasons we were put through the trial and even more with the reasons that our 'brethren' had forsaken us. The recovery period was long and difficult on each of us and on our marriage. We nearly got a divorce, hubby was out of work for 6 months, and our finances suffered. We felt neglected by God and by those of our religion.

I am at the point now that I want to believe in something. I know I could not be agnostic or atheist. For one, faith in a superior being is too ingrained in me. I've considered the idea and concluded that without a faith in a superior being I would find everything in life more empty. In fact, what would be the purpose of life beyond the pursuit of pleasure? But that is another thread of it's own.

What I'm looking for in this thread is: Have you struggled with your faith? What made you settled? How to demostrate that faith without following the blind sheep in a church? and one question that I think I will deal with for a long time - How could our friends and church family and most of all God, thurn their backs on us in such a way? It was too painful to want to put ourselves in a position to be hurt like that again. I'm almost afraid to go back to church for fear they will hook me with their flowery words and then next time a trial comes they will abandon me again.

I guess I should add that since hubby's injury I have rarely if ever prayed. I have rarely gone to church. I have worked hard. Through our own efforts we have managed to get our finances cleared up, our marriage back on track, and are more independant than ever we were while I did have more faith. It seems like faith in God to help us disables me. I don't attempt as much when I expect his assistance. I know that is a state of mind and can go along with faith but also it seems like I can accomplish more without God in my life than with.

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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma.