Perhaps I am learning a lesson, Tecoyah...I very well may be. But I don't think so, not with this girl -- at least not in the manner you are referring to. We communicate very well and openly and have had an exceptional amount of discussion about our individual problems/differences so I think we're pretty aware of the deeper reasons. We both have our personal insecurities, which are, in fact, (ironically) pretty gender stereotypical I think:
- A long-time girlfriend of mine cheated on me a couple years ago and I didn't seriously date anyone else until my present GF. I think I'm somewhat afraid of commitment, of loving/being loved, overthink my feelings, and am tentative with intimacy. Furthermore, I've felt the standard male jealousy about her past sexual experiences: she's had sex with 7 other people, but she's my only one, so I've felt a mix of feelings there. I know that my feelings are stupid, immature, insecure, jealous, and wrong. So, I'm trying to get over all of it. Finally, I know I think way too much -- sometimes I feel like I can't control my thought processes -- so I'm working on that too.
- Her parents were extremely protective and conservative and didn't really teach her about sex; she moved around a number of times, and that, combined with her parents, made her quite unhappy. In some sense, she looked to boys for happiness and for the love that her parents didn't show clearly enough. Additionally, since she is very kind, caring, and extremely loving and hard working in a relationship, it was easy for guys to get what they wanted. They manipulated her, cheated on her, and used her. She's put them behind her, but realizes that there is some extra baggage, some emotional neediness or possessiveness, and some bad habits that have been ingrained to whatever level. So, she is confronting her own insecurities too.
That's a concise version, but the point exists nonetheless: we see we have our own problems and that these problems affect our relationship in ways that we aren't happy with. Since we are both the kind of people that try very hard to fix things, we are working to fix ourselves. While we're still not perfect, we are both making progress.
But I agree, Abaya, that there are certainly some things that are innate in both sexes, that almost no amount of concentration will change. I wasn't trying to say that with enough work one can abandon association with a gender and become almost "asexual." I just meant that if someone acknowledges that certain stereotypes are present and also bad (such as guys being uncaring or rude, women being bitchy or annoying), and if enough effort is put in, they can make progress in those areas, albeit not eliminating the difference between men and women altogether.
I'd like to think I have some idea of what I'm talking about, since I have a degree in psychology and am getting a MA in philosophy, but I'll admit, it's still entirely possible that I am full of crap!
Sim