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Originally Posted by simivin
From a broad perspective, I guess you're right -- the sexes, as an "institution" are too vast for one person to change by themself, and so we might as well just try to confront the fact. But if someone uses this as their excuse to behave incorrectly, that's where my disagreement arises (sorry if I have been taking you too seriously). Really, if people recognize that the way men and women generally act is a bad thing, that it is a problem that should be fixed (as you imply), then how does concluding that things will never change help solve the "problem"? I guess that's all I wonder -- if someone knows they fall into that stereotype, and concedes that it's wrong, why don't they do anything about it (when, in fact, they can)?
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Sim, I have the exact same argument with myself every time my bf and/or I do something that conforms to the stereotypes of our sexes. And believe me, it happens A LOT more than either one of us, both highly-educated liberal-leaning individuals, would like to admit. I am also an anthropologist and would like to chalk every pattern up to culture and socialization rather than biology (gender differences).
HOWEVER. I have to confess that the longer I am in a relationship, the less idealistic I can be about these differences. Regardless of whether or not these differences are biological or social at their root, they exist, EN MASSE... and it's hella hard to change them, even in ourselves.
So I think King's point (and Rubyee's) is that if you can start off by recognizing the massive gulf between two people, stereotypical or totally unique!... THEN you can start to build bridges and compromise. I don't think King's saying you should just chalk it up to gender and walk away... you have to stick around and see just how much compromise is possible between the two of you, and see whether or not you can both live with that level of "perpetual, mutual sacrifice" (sorry, William Blake chiming in here).
Good luck, hope this didn't wander too far...
