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your friend is being your friend, and your girlfriend is over-reacting, in my opinion.
Yeah, it's good to look out for the feelings of your SO, but this is a bit much. She's apparently given your friend some choice (read: bad) words that your friend didn't appreciate, and she doesn't really seem open to your friendship in any kind of way except what it seems she "has" to not to piss you off.
I think she just wants to meet her so she can finally pass mental judgment on her and say "ok now i've met her and i don't trust her".
Of course, this sounds like it might be "worst case scenario", but really it's the most realistic version of events i'd expect.
Good luck man, you're handling it well so far.
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