Tilted Forum Project Discussion Community - View Single Post

Spanxxx · 10-14-2005, 09:31 AM

I liked Analog's story about the 5 yr old sunday school class (or whatever kind of class it was).

I have a 3.5 year old and he's not kicked into the full-time whiny every 5 minutes for something phase yet, but we've been through a few streaks of whining. Mostly, it happens when he is tired. However, on occasions, he just gets on a roll and my wife and I nip it quickly every time.

Similar to Analog's story, my wife and I approach it the same way. In a completely level and calm tone, we explain to him, "You are a big boy, and big boy's don't whine. If you want to ask for something, you need to talk in your 'normal voice'." He now knows what we mean by 'normal' voice and he realizes that we will NOT submit to anything he asks for in a whiny voice. We usually won't even respond. We will just look at him and wait until he corrects himself. It works quite well for us.

The tantrum/flailing thing has been frustrating too. The problem is that sometimes, the hard-nosed, cold-shouldered method just won't work on my son. He will work himself into such a frenzy that he'll start hyperventilating. My wife or I will frequently have to just calm him down before we can approach any issue that is actually behind what has caused the situation.

Sometimes though, you just have to stand your ground. One night, my son learned that what daddy says goes. I'm not to be underestimated, and I can listen to crying all night and will NOT give in. Every night for bedtime we have the exact same ritual. We've had it for at least 2 years now and it was only augmented by the portion that includes going to the bathroom by himself once he was potty trained. It goes like this: go peepee, put on pajamas, brush teeth, read 1 book, read 1 bible story, kiss and hug everyone good night, go to bed, say a prayer, sing a song, stay in bed (though this last part we still work on occasionally).

Well, my folks happened to be in unfortunately to witness this episodic meltdown, but alas, sometimes you can't pick your parenting moments. It was time for bed, and I told my son it was time for bed and told him to go pee so we could go put pajamas on. He told me flatly, "I don't have to pee." I explained, "You know the routine. We do this every night. We always go peepee before bed so we make sure not to wet the bed. Sometimes you have to pee a little bit and you just don't know it". So, we went into the bathroom with my basically escorting him forcefully in there. Once in there, he went over to the toilet and then turned around and said, "I don't have to peepee. I'm not going to peepee." I tell him that, "you will try to peepee. we always try. if you don't actually have to pee, that's fine. but you WILL try." So, eventually he starts crying and yelling that he doesn't have to pee and he isn't going to pee. Then, he just melts down. falls on the floor. starts pushing at me to get out of the room. I close and lock the door, stand against the doorknob, and amazingly enough, he can't move me however much he tries to shove me out of the way. I just stay quiet and let him have his tantrum. Every few minutes I try to calm him just by saying his name flatly, "Conner"....."Conner"......"Conner". Eventually, he'll stop crying to respond, and I'll ask, "Are you going to go peepee now?". Then, he'd meltdown again. I explained that we will NOT leave this bathroom until he at least tries to go peepee. Well, eventually I say, "Alright, why don't you go ahead and take your clothes off so we can put on your pull-up and pajamas." He does this, then I say, "Okay, you already have your clothes off, why don't you at least try to go peepee." He says no and stands there. I just stay quiet and keep leaning against the door. Eventually he just stops crying and whining and walks over to the toilet and as SOON as he gets within range, he lets out a forceful stream of pee and then he sort of glances at me out the sides of his eyes and this look of astonishment comes over his face and I say, "I guess you did have to go peepee didn't you?" and he quietly responds through that just getting over being crying choked up voice, "Yes.". After that, we've never had one single issue with him throwing a fit at bedtime again. He's tried, but all I've had to say is, "We always go peepee every night before bed. You know that." and he complies.

The bottom line that night was that I had decided I would not submit, no matter how long it took and eventually my son realized that this was going to be the case and he learned that I mean what I say.

By the way, it took about 20 minutes.

10-14-2005, 09:31 AM	#34 (permalink)
Spanxxx Psycho Location: Under my roof	I liked Analog's story about the 5 yr old sunday school class (or whatever kind of class it was). I have a 3.5 year old and he's not kicked into the full-time whiny every 5 minutes for something phase yet, but we've been through a few streaks of whining. Mostly, it happens when he is tired. However, on occasions, he just gets on a roll and my wife and I nip it quickly every time. Similar to Analog's story, my wife and I approach it the same way. In a completely level and calm tone, we explain to him, "You are a big boy, and big boy's don't whine. If you want to ask for something, you need to talk in your 'normal voice'." He now knows what we mean by 'normal' voice and he realizes that we will NOT submit to anything he asks for in a whiny voice. We usually won't even respond. We will just look at him and wait until he corrects himself. It works quite well for us. The tantrum/flailing thing has been frustrating too. The problem is that sometimes, the hard-nosed, cold-shouldered method just won't work on my son. He will work himself into such a frenzy that he'll start hyperventilating. My wife or I will frequently have to just calm him down before we can approach any issue that is actually behind what has caused the situation. Sometimes though, you just have to stand your ground. One night, my son learned that what daddy says goes. I'm not to be underestimated, and I can listen to crying all night and will NOT give in. Every night for bedtime we have the exact same ritual. We've had it for at least 2 years now and it was only augmented by the portion that includes going to the bathroom by himself once he was potty trained. It goes like this: go peepee, put on pajamas, brush teeth, read 1 book, read 1 bible story, kiss and hug everyone good night, go to bed, say a prayer, sing a song, stay in bed (though this last part we still work on occasionally). Well, my folks happened to be in unfortunately to witness this episodic meltdown, but alas, sometimes you can't pick your parenting moments. It was time for bed, and I told my son it was time for bed and told him to go pee so we could go put pajamas on. He told me flatly, "I don't have to pee." I explained, "You know the routine. We do this every night. We always go peepee before bed so we make sure not to wet the bed. Sometimes you have to pee a little bit and you just don't know it". So, we went into the bathroom with my basically escorting him forcefully in there. Once in there, he went over to the toilet and then turned around and said, "I don't have to peepee. I'm not going to peepee." I tell him that, "you will try to peepee. we always try. if you don't actually have to pee, that's fine. but you WILL try." So, eventually he starts crying and yelling that he doesn't have to pee and he isn't going to pee. Then, he just melts down. falls on the floor. starts pushing at me to get out of the room. I close and lock the door, stand against the doorknob, and amazingly enough, he can't move me however much he tries to shove me out of the way. I just stay quiet and let him have his tantrum. Every few minutes I try to calm him just by saying his name flatly, "Conner"....."Conner"......"Conner". Eventually, he'll stop crying to respond, and I'll ask, "Are you going to go peepee now?". Then, he'd meltdown again. I explained that we will NOT leave this bathroom until he at least tries to go peepee. Well, eventually I say, "Alright, why don't you go ahead and take your clothes off so we can put on your pull-up and pajamas." He does this, then I say, "Okay, you already have your clothes off, why don't you at least try to go peepee." He says no and stands there. I just stay quiet and keep leaning against the door. Eventually he just stops crying and whining and walks over to the toilet and as SOON as he gets within range, he lets out a forceful stream of pee and then he sort of glances at me out the sides of his eyes and this look of astonishment comes over his face and I say, "I guess you did have to go peepee didn't you?" and he quietly responds through that just getting over being crying choked up voice, "Yes.". After that, we've never had one single issue with him throwing a fit at bedtime again. He's tried, but all I've had to say is, "We always go peepee every night before bed. You know that." and he complies. The bottom line that night was that I had decided I would not submit, no matter how long it took and eventually my son realized that this was going to be the case and he learned that I mean what I say. By the way, it took about 20 minutes. __________________ I think that's what they mean by "nickels a day can feed a child." I thought, "How could food be so cheap over there?" It's not, they just eat nickels. - (supposedly) Peter Nguyen, internet hero