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Then again, sometimes I feel like academia itself is a form of very slow and painful decomposition...
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Absolutely! I've spent a
lot of time considering just how ridiculous my thesis sounds when separated from the whole academic community in which it is being produced. It's a lot harder to get excited about the theoretical dimensions of Southeast Asian piracy when you realise the theory is just, well theory...
Also, as much as I got into this whole gambit on the understanding that I would one day end up as some kind of early modern scholar/man of letters in the style of say Jonathan Swift or Daniel Defoe, and not just some guy who knows more about one tiny little piece of history than anyone else...
How disappointing it has been to discover that expertise is what makes you an academic, not knowledge or intelligence. Do I really want to commodify one of the few sources of genuine and reliable pleasure in my life?
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I think procrastination comes from boredom. I still haven't found a place where I can really thrive, a place where what I'm doing doesn't feel like work, even if I get paid for it. I think that the day I find a job where I don't procrastinate, where I want to get the work done early simply because I like it so much... that is where I will be fulfilled.
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Perhaps you could be a mind reader, because this is exactly the kind of problem I have. Hence, this year I have applied myself studiously to a whole bunch of projects, ranging from sculptures to film reviews which have nothing to do with my formal studies, but which I found personally compelling. I don't think my thesis is important, and the only motivation I have to finish it are firstly stubborn pride to prove to the people who say you can't write 25000 words in three weeks wrong, and because I've already invested a fair amount of energy to have all my previous assessment in and I'd rather it wasn't in vain...
Hell, I should get back to work...