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Slightly biased political humor
Yes, I'm a Republican. I enjoy this stuff, so bear with me. I think it's pretty good stuff.
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You are the President of the United States of America.
You have just learned that there is an asteroid headed for France that will wipe out their entire country. It is scheduled to hit about 2:30 a.m., in just two days from now.
You have enough ships and military personnel nearby to evacuate them safely, but they are on standby for Iraq.
Your question: Do you set the VCR to record the asteroid hitting France, or do you stay up to watch it live?
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The Pope is visiting DC and President George W. Bush takes him out for an afternoon on the Potomac. They go sailing on the presidential yacht, the Sequoia. They are admiring the sights when, all of a sudden, the Pope's hat (zucchetto) blows off his head and out into the
water.
Secret service guys start to launch a boat but Bush waves them off saying, "Wait, wait, I'll take care of this. Don't worry."
Bush then steps off the yacht onto the surface of the water and walks out to the Holy Father's little hat. He bends over, picks it up, then walks back to the yacht and climbs aboard. He hands the hat to the Pope amid stunned silence.
The next morning, the Washington Post carries a story with front-page photos of the event. The banner headline is "Bush Can't Swim."
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A man saw a pit bull attacking a toddler. He killed the pit bull and saved the toddler's life.
The reporters swarmed the guy. "Tell us! What's your name? All Paris will love you! Tomorrow's headline: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’"
The man says, "But I'm not from Paris."
Reporters: "That's OK. All France will love you. Tomorrow's Headline: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’"
The man says, "I'm not from France, either."
Reporters: "That's OK. All Europe will love you. Tomorrow's Headline: ‘Hero Saves Girl from Vicious Dog!’"
The man says, "I'm not from Europe, either."
Reporters: "So, where ARE you from?”
He says, "I'm from Israel."
Reporters: "OK. Tomorrow's headline: ‘Vicious Israeli Kills Girl's Defenseless Dog!’"
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And here's one for the other side (sorta)
When asked how he felt about Roe versus Wade, George W. Bush replied
frankly, "I don't care how people got out of New Orleans . As long as
they got out."
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I got in a fight one time with a really big guy, and he said, "I'm going to mop the floor with your face." I said, "You'll be sorry." He said, "Oh, yeah? Why?" I said, "Well, you won't be able to get into the corners very well."
Emo Philips
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