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zensheep · 10-09-2005, 09:28 AM

The past two weeks I have felt completely crushed over the fact that my girlfriend of over two years, we'll call her K, has decided that she wants to put a hold on our relationship.

A little background info is needed so here it is: We met during the summer of my freshman year in college and the summer of her sophomore year in high school, so she is 2 and a half years younger than me. The catch is that she was visiting her cousin (a friend of mine) when we met and she is from Michigan and I live in Seattle. I had never met anybody like her before, the minute I saw her I knew she was the one, and the same for her. Over the next few weeks we spent all of our time talking online and I stayed at her cousin's house for a week (since her cousin lived a few hours away from me). While I was staying at her house, K and I decided that we should go ahead and start a long distance relationship. The age difference was of no consequence to either of us, the only problem was the dstance.

A few months into the relationship we hit a rough spot, the distance was wearing her down, and weren't together for a period of a few months, and she began seeing someone else and it tore me apart. That did not work out and a few months later she came to visit me and we were together in a relationship again.

Fast forward to today. It is my Senior year of college, and her Freshman year at a school in Michigan. It was always our plan that she would either come to school out here or after I was finished I would move to Michigan so we can have a much closer relationship. Due to financial complications (she has had a somewhat trying family experience growing up) and scholarship limitations she had to attend school in-state. That was ok with me, as I knew that we would be together soon as it was my last year and as soon as I graduated I would be driving over there with all my worldly belongings in tow to start a new life with the girl of my dreams.

Unfortunately, it seems that that dream is in danger of not happening. K told me a few weeks ago that she feels that the relationship is more of a 'fake' relationship than a real one, and she was young and wanted to experience more in her life and concentrate on her schoolwork and career (her family life before really instilled in her a sense of unique personal ideals which I honestly and truly admire and respect) and that she feels that it would be in our best interest to test the waters with dating other people until we can be together. The stipulation is that these relationships will be non-sexual, which is something that I want as the thought of her dating other people, let alone sleeping with other people, is almost too much for me. We were each other's first and only sexual partners.

This honestly came out of absolutely nowhere. I had no idea that she was holding these feelings in and the fact that they were just piled on me is what probably hurt me the most. She has hardly any time to talk to me nowadays as she goes to school full time, works, and wants to socialize with friends, and to put it bluntly I feel absolutely abandoned. She was the first person I felt comfortable opening up my feelings to and letting my guard down for, and now she barely talks to me, and when she does it's always rushed.

The past two years I have been there for her mentally and emotionally, I just can't be there physically and it honestly hurts knowing that the one thing that's tearing us apart is the one thing that is impossible for me to rectify at the moment. I'm angry that now that she has some independence she has left me out in the cold when I supported her bar-none for the past two years out of many emotionally sticky situations.

I apologize for the length of this post but I have been dealing with this for the past two weeks and I'm honestly no better off than the first moment she told me, and it feels good to put my feelings out in a medium where I can get some assistance and relief. I guess the point of all of this is that I am wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this before and how they dealt with it. I honestly am not interested in trying to go out and date other people while K is still in the picture, I just wouldn't feel right doing it. She tells me that she loves me and that I have nothing to worry about and that she believes it is fate and destiny that we will be together, and I love her with all my heart but I can't help but get the feeling that she is trying to spare my feelings and decrease the amount of hurt she inflicts, which ironically is not what I want at all, I would much rather have her tell me straight up what is going on so if necessary I can just move on and forget about this situation.

Thank you to anyone who actually reads all of this, I didn't mean for it to be this long and rambling but all of this has been swimming around my head for the past few weeks and I desperately want to get it out. Thank you TFP for any advice you may give, you guys are great.

10-09-2005, 09:28 AM	#1 (permalink)
zensheep Crazy Location: Seattle	Putting a hold on a relationship? The past two weeks I have felt completely crushed over the fact that my girlfriend of over two years, we'll call her K, has decided that she wants to put a hold on our relationship. A little background info is needed so here it is: We met during the summer of my freshman year in college and the summer of her sophomore year in high school, so she is 2 and a half years younger than me. The catch is that she was visiting her cousin (a friend of mine) when we met and she is from Michigan and I live in Seattle. I had never met anybody like her before, the minute I saw her I knew she was the one, and the same for her. Over the next few weeks we spent all of our time talking online and I stayed at her cousin's house for a week (since her cousin lived a few hours away from me). While I was staying at her house, K and I decided that we should go ahead and start a long distance relationship. The age difference was of no consequence to either of us, the only problem was the dstance. A few months into the relationship we hit a rough spot, the distance was wearing her down, and weren't together for a period of a few months, and she began seeing someone else and it tore me apart. That did not work out and a few months later she came to visit me and we were together in a relationship again. Fast forward to today. It is my Senior year of college, and her Freshman year at a school in Michigan. It was always our plan that she would either come to school out here or after I was finished I would move to Michigan so we can have a much closer relationship. Due to financial complications (she has had a somewhat trying family experience growing up) and scholarship limitations she had to attend school in-state. That was ok with me, as I knew that we would be together soon as it was my last year and as soon as I graduated I would be driving over there with all my worldly belongings in tow to start a new life with the girl of my dreams. Unfortunately, it seems that that dream is in danger of not happening. K told me a few weeks ago that she feels that the relationship is more of a 'fake' relationship than a real one, and she was young and wanted to experience more in her life and concentrate on her schoolwork and career (her family life before really instilled in her a sense of unique personal ideals which I honestly and truly admire and respect) and that she feels that it would be in our best interest to test the waters with dating other people until we can be together. The stipulation is that these relationships will be non-sexual, which is something that I want as the thought of her dating other people, let alone sleeping with other people, is almost too much for me. We were each other's first and only sexual partners. This honestly came out of absolutely nowhere. I had no idea that she was holding these feelings in and the fact that they were just piled on me is what probably hurt me the most. She has hardly any time to talk to me nowadays as she goes to school full time, works, and wants to socialize with friends, and to put it bluntly I feel absolutely abandoned. She was the first person I felt comfortable opening up my feelings to and letting my guard down for, and now she barely talks to me, and when she does it's always rushed. The past two years I have been there for her mentally and emotionally, I just can't be there physically and it honestly hurts knowing that the one thing that's tearing us apart is the one thing that is impossible for me to rectify at the moment. I'm angry that now that she has some independence she has left me out in the cold when I supported her bar-none for the past two years out of many emotionally sticky situations. I apologize for the length of this post but I have been dealing with this for the past two weeks and I'm honestly no better off than the first moment she told me, and it feels good to put my feelings out in a medium where I can get some assistance and relief. I guess the point of all of this is that I am wondering if anyone has been in a situation like this before and how they dealt with it. I honestly am not interested in trying to go out and date other people while K is still in the picture, I just wouldn't feel right doing it. She tells me that she loves me and that I have nothing to worry about and that she believes it is fate and destiny that we will be together, and I love her with all my heart but I can't help but get the feeling that she is trying to spare my feelings and decrease the amount of hurt she inflicts, which ironically is not what I want at all, I would much rather have her tell me straight up what is going on so if necessary I can just move on and forget about this situation. Thank you to anyone who actually reads all of this, I didn't mean for it to be this long and rambling but all of this has been swimming around my head for the past few weeks and I desperately want to get it out. Thank you TFP for any advice you may give, you guys are great.