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I just wanted to add that when a guy wants to finger me I often automatically push him away. It's primarily because I am quite sensitive on my clit and don't really relish a lot of stimulation there, especially if I'm not expecting or in the mood for actual sex.
As other's have said - you GOTTA talk. Go ahead and make it blunt, don't try to be subtle or suave about it cause you'll be uncomfortable no matter what. Just get it out in the open and ask "Are you interested in having sex with me?" "What do you need from me to feel READY to have sex." It's the only way to know things for sure.
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"Always learn the rules so that you can break them properly." Dalai Lama
My Karma just ran over your Dogma. 
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