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As you suggest, go easy on the "everything happens for a reason" philosophy. I know that some people believe that, and the widow may. But it's not an argument to make someone feel better when they're in the first flush of grief. Let her come to her own feelings in time
In the meantime, be around and be ready to help -- actually, volunteer to help with any little thing. Help her get things fixed. Take a bigger role in the son's life, and see if any other men in your church are willing to do so.
It's not just what you do in the next month or two, but in the next several years, that will help this family cope.
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