Originally Posted by robot_parade

Wow, thanks for all the responses. Sorry about my late reply.

Anyway, I'll try to reply to everyone's points at once...

I don't think being honest with your spouse always involves full disclosure. For instance, I wouldn't dream of pointing out every girl I found attractive to my wife, or every flirtatious interaction. Not that I'm trying to hide anything from her, but what would be the point? Going out of my way to point out each and every girl I'm attracted to would only be hurtful to her. If I did something wrong, then yes, I should 'fess up'. But being attracted to other people and mild flirtation isn't wrong. At least, I don't think it is.

However, it's true that the situation I've got right now is more serious than that, and I spend a fair amount of time talking to this girl, going to lunch, etc. So if I didn't mention anything about this to my wife, I'd be hiding something, and that would clearly be a problem.

Since I wrote the original message, things seem to be moving more towards a 'friend' relationship with The Girl. There's still flirting, there's still attraction, but we both know we're not going anywhere 'serious' with it, and I think we're both more interested in being friends. We still definately have the mutual crush going on, but we're even more clear with each other that it isn't going to go beyond that.

As far as my wife goes, she has met the girl, and we've teased each other back and forth about me flirting with her, etc. The Girl and I went to lunch again this afternoon, and I mentioned it to my wife. I think she was a little jealous, but seems to be 'ok' with it. She teased me about having a coupon to the restaurant that The Girl and I went to for the next time The Girl and I go on 'a date' (her word, not mine!). She also asked if I 'behaved myself' (which I did!). So, I think I'm being fairly open with my wife about this - I haven't sat her down and said 'I have a crush on this girl.', because I'm pretty sure that she wouldn't deal with that well; I'm afraid she'd interpret it as "I want her and not you." :-( Which isn't the case.

Having both would be interesting, though. ;-) But that hardly ever happens outside of porn, right? :-)

What would I do in a hypothetical situation where The Girl threw herself at me, and there was no way we could ever, ever be caught? I'd like to say I'd resist the temptation, but I know that *saying* I'd resist temptation is completely different from actually resisting it. Best to not get in a situation like that in the first place. ie, don't do something stupid like winding up alone together in a private place, etc.

A couple of people asked if I would act the same way if my wife were standing over me. Of course I wouldn't. It would be disrespectful, if nothing else. But I haven't done anything I would be mad at my wife for doing. I think the key problem is uncertainty - my wife can't know everything that goes on when I'm not with her, and she can't know what's going on in my head. So with that uncertainty, there's room for doubt - she trusts me, but I think she's still worried. So the best I can do is be open and honest, and remember where the boundries are.


I like this girl, and I'm attracted to her, and I'm very flattered that she's attracted to me back. But at the end of the day, I love my wife, and don't want to cheat on her.

So, for now, I'm going to work on 'behaving myself' and making sure I keep open and honest communication about it with my wife. And, having fun (but not too much) with my crush. And, I hope, getting a really good friend out of the bargain.

I'll keep you guys posted with any interesting tidbits.

And, if it all does end in tears, you are all invited to the divorce proceedings to give me a well-deserved kick in the ass. :-)

maleficent: 'caveat flirtor' - that's *awesome*! :-)